Why We Must Explain Our Own Needs?

如何向别人表达我们的需求？

刘立军 供稿

TRANSCRIPT

One of the finest things about being a baby is that our minds can be read by others. Without us needing to say anything, people around us will have a guess at determining what we intend ― and, typically, they’ll get it right. They’ll correctly surmise that we are craving some milk or that the sun is shining in our eyes, that it’s time for a snooze or that we want to jiggle the keys again.

This may be highly gratifying and important to us in infancy, but it can set up dangerous expectations for the rest of our lives. It can breed in us the sense that anyone ― especially anyone who claims to care about us ― should be able to determine our deepest aspirations and wishes without us needing to say very much. We can stay silent; they will mind-read.

This explains a widespread tendency to assume that others must know what we mean and want without us having actually told them anything clearly. We assume that our lover must know what we’re upset about, that our friends should realize where our sensitivities lie and that our colleagues must intuitively grasp how we want things done in presentations.

Furthermore, we assume that if they don’t, then it must be a sign that they are being wicked, deliberately obtuse or stupid ― and we are therefore justified in falling into a sulk, that curious pattern of behavior whereby we punish people for having committed offences whose precise nature we refuse to reveal to them.

But in all this, we have, somewhere along the path of our development, forgotten the fundamental importance of teaching. Teaching isn’t a distinctive profession focused on imparting knowledge about science and the humanities to the under-18s. It’s a skill that we must put into practice every day of our lives ― and the subject we must laboriously and patiently become experts in and deliver ‘lessons’ on is called ‘Ourselves’: what we like, what we’re scared of, what we’re hopeful about, what we want from the world and how we look for things to be formatted.

Babies, for all their intelligence and charm, only care about a handful of things; an average adult has thousands of very set ideas on all manner of topics, from the right way to govern a country to the right way to shut the fridge door. We should strive to deliver a few ‘seminars’ on our views before allowing ourselves to grow resentful and sullen.

Yet how understandable ― in a sense ― if we should fail so badly in our teaching duties. We’re not necessarily being lazy or unkind. It’s merely unbelievable that strangers would actually require us to talk them through yet another chapter of the dense instruction manual of our deep selves. We never had to bother with all that in the early years. We may be more nostalgic for our infancy than we might have dared to imagine.

VOCABULARY 

1. surmise v. (formal) to guess or suppose sth. using the evidence you have, without definitely knowing 推测；猜测 

2. crave v. (British English, old use) to ask for sth. seriously 恳求；请求。例如：I must crave your pardon. 我必须恳求您原谅。 

3. snooze v. (informal) to have a short light sleep, especially during the day and usually not in bed （尤指在白天）小睡，打盹。例如：My brother was snoozing on the sofa. 我弟弟正在沙发上打盹。

4. jiggle v. (informal) to move or make sth. move up and down or from side to side with short quick movements（使）上下急动，左右摇摆，抖动。例如：She jiggled with the lock. 她摆弄着锁。

5. gratifying adj. (formal) pleasing and giving satisfaction 令人高兴的；使人满意的。例如：It is gratifying to see such good results. 看到这么好的结果真令人欣慰。

6. infancy n. the time when a child is a baby or very young 婴儿期；幼儿期

7. intuitively adv. 直觉地

8. obtuse adj. (formal, disapproving) slow or unwilling to understand sth. 迟钝的；愚蠢的；态度勉强的。例如：Are you being deliberately obtuse? 你是不是故意装傻？

9. sulk n. a period of not speaking and being bad-tempered because you are angry about sth. 愠怒；生闷气。例如：to have the sulks 满脸不高兴

10. format v. to arrange text in a particular way on a page or a screen 安排……的版式

11. resentful adj. feeling bitter or angry about sth. that you think is unfair 感到气愤的；憎恨的；愤慨的。例如：a resentful look 充满怨恨的眼神

12. sullen adj. bad-tempered and not speaking, either on a particular occasion or because it is part of your character 面有愠色的；闷闷不乐的；郁郁寡欢的

13. nostalgic adj. 怀旧的；乡愁的；令人怀念的

QUESTIONS 

Read the passage. Then listen to the news and fill in the blanks with the information (words, phrases or sentences) you hear.

One of the finest things about being a baby is that (Q1) ______________________. Without us needing to say anything, people around us will have a guess at determining what we intend ― and, typically, they’ll get it right. They’ll correctly surmise that we are craving some milk or that the sun is shining in our eyes, that it’s time for a snooze or that we want to jiggle the keys again.

This may be highly gratifying and important to us in infancy, but it can set up (Q2) ____________ for the rest of our lives. It can breed in us the sense that anyone - especially anyone who claims to care about us ― should be able to determine our deepest aspirations and wishes without us needing to say very much. We can (Q3) ______________; they will mind-read.

This explains a widespread tendency to assume that others must know what we (Q4) _______without us having actually told them anything clearly. We assume that our (Q5) ___________must know what we’re upset about, that our (Q6) ___________ should realize where our sensitivities lie and that our (Q7) _________________must intuitively grasp how we want things done in presentations.

Furthermore, we assume that if they don’t, then it must be a sign that they are being wicked, deliberately obtuse or stupid ― and we are therefore justified in falling into a sulk, that curious pattern of behavior whereby we punish people for having committed (Q8) ___________ whose precise nature we refuse to reveal to them.

But in all this, we have, somewhere along the path of our development, forgotten the fundamental importance of (Q9) _____________. Teaching isn’t a distinctive profession focused on (Q10) ____________ knowledge about science and the humanities to the under-18s. It’s a skill that we must (Q11) _________________ every day of our lives ― and the subject we must laboriously and patiently become experts in and deliver ‘lessons’ on is called ‘Ourselves’: what we like, what we’re scared of, what we’re hopeful about, what we want from the world and how we look for things to be formatted.

Babies, for all their intelligence and charm, only care about a handful of things; an average (Q12) _____________ has thousands of very set ideas on all manner of topics, from the right way to govern a country to the right way to shut the fridge door. We should strive to (Q13) ____________ a few ‘seminars’ on our views before allowing ourselves to grow resentful and sullen.

Yet how understandable ― in a sense ― if we should fail so badly in our teaching duties. We’re not necessarily being (Q14) ________________. It’s merely unbelievable that strangers would actually require us to talk them through yet another chapter of the dense instruction manual of our deep selves. We never had to bother with all that in the early years. We may be more nostalgic for our (Q15) ________________ than we might have dared to imagine.

KEY 

Read the passage. Then listen to the news and fill in the blanks with the information (words, phrases or sentences) you hear. 

One of the finest things about being a baby is that (Q1) our minds can be read by others. Without us needing to say anything, people around us will have a guess at determining what we intend ― and, typically, they’ll get it right. They’ll correctly surmise that we are craving some milk or that the sun is shining in our eyes, that it’s time for a snooze or that we want to jiggle the keys again.

This may be highly gratifying and important to us in infancy, but it can set up (Q2) dangerous expectations for the rest of our lives. It can breed in us the sense that anyone ― especially anyone who claims to care about us ― should be able to determine our deepest aspirations and wishes without us needing to say very much. We can (Q3) stay silent; they will mind-read.

This explains a widespread tendency to assume that others must know what we (Q4) mean and want without us having actually told them anything clearly. We assume that our (Q5) lover must know what we’re upset about, that our (Q6) friends should realize where our sensitivities lie and that our (Q7) colleagues must intuitively grasp how we want things done in presentations.

Furthermore, we assume that if they don’t, then it must be a sign that they are being wicked, deliberately obtuse or stupid ― and we are therefore justified in falling into a sulk, that curious pattern of behavior whereby we punish people for having committed (Q8) offences whose precise nature we refuse to reveal to them.

But in all this, we have, somewhere along the path of our development, forgotten the fundamental importance of (Q9) teaching. Teaching isn’t a distinctive profession focused on (Q10) imparting knowledge about science and the humanities to the under-18s. It’s a skill that we must (Q11) put into practice every day of our lives ― and the subject we must laboriously and patiently become experts in and deliver ‘lessons’ on is called ‘Ourselves’: what we like, what we’re scared of, what we’re hopeful about, what we want from the world and how we look for things to be formatted.

Babies, for all their intelligence and charm, only care about a handful of things; an average (Q12) adult has thousands of very set ideas on all manner of topics, from the right way to govern a country to the right way to shut the fridge door. We should strive to (Q13) deliver a few ‘seminars’ on our views before allowing ourselves to grow resentful and sullen.

Yet how understandable ― in a sense ― if we should fail so badly in our teaching duties. We’re not necessarily being (Q14) lazy or unkind. It’s merely unbelievable that strangers would actually require us to talk them through yet another chapter of the dense instruction manual of our deep selves. We never had to bother with all that in the early years. We may be more nostalgic for our (Q15) infancy than we might have dared to imagine.

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