我如何最终找到了作为一名科学家的自信

How I finally found my confidence as a scientist

词汇：六级 | 句法：四级（高考）| 文本：六级

刘立军供稿

“How does one become so knowledgeable?” I asked myself while watching a renowned professor give a lecture to a large audience. My research seemed so trivial in comparison and my skills so limited. As a postdoc entering my fifth year, I knew I was expected to start applying for faculty positions. However, I felt far short of the level of competence and confidence needed to become a professor. “What will I do with my life?” I thought. “I will never be good enough for science.”  

我在观看一位著名教授向众多听众进行演讲时，不禁问自己，“一个人怎么会如此博学？” 。相比之下，我的研究显得如此微不足道，我的技能也如此有限。作为一名进入第五年的博士后，我知道自己应该开始申请教职岗位了。然而，我觉得自己远未达到成为一名教授所需的能力与自信。“我的人生该何去何从？”我想，“我永远无法达到从事科研的要求。”

When I completed a doctoral program in mathematical biology, I wasn’t sure where I saw my career going. I considered working for banks or other companies. But satisfying my curiosity and thirst for knowledge as a postdoc seemed way more exciting than any other job could be. There was something addictive about research. I could lie awake for hours trying to understand my results or thinking about how to perfect my figures or craft the perfect introduction for a paper. Mathematical biology enabled me to satisfy my broader curiosity, as the computational skills I was acquiring could be used to tackle problems spanning the natural and social sciences. So, after my first postdoc, I started a new one, and later, a third.  

当我完成数学生物学的博士课程时，我对自己的职业方向并不确定。我曾考虑过为银行或其他公司工作。但作为一名博士后，满足自己的好奇心和求知欲似乎比任何其他工作都要更令人兴奋。研究有一种让人着迷的魅力。我可以躺在床上好几个小时睡不着，试图理解我的实验结果，或者思考如何完善我的图表，或者为一篇论文撰写完美的引言。数学生物学让我能够满足更广泛的求知欲，因为我学到的计算技能可以用来解决自然和社会科学中的各种问题。因此，在完成了第一个博士后之后，我又开始了第二个，后来还有第三个。

The problem was what to do afterward. When people would ask me, “What would you like to do next?” and I had no answer to give, I tried not to worry. But my peers all seemed certain they wanted to become professors one day. They seemed to find every scientific conversation fascinating. I liked talking about science, too, but I would often have preferred to talk about books, hiking, or traveling. They were convinced their research was going to make a difference in the world. My research was fun, but I doubted it could ever be useful. They asked sharp questions in seminars. I could not get rid of the feeling that I was just pretending.  

问题在于接下来该做什么。当别人问我：“你接下来想做什么？”我却无言以对时，我尽量不去担心。但我的同龄人似乎都确信自己有朝一日会成为教授。他们似乎觉得每一场科学讨论都很有趣。我也喜欢谈论科学，但我常常更愿意聊聊书籍、徒步旅行或旅行。他们坚信自己的研究将会改变世界。我的研究很有趣，但我怀疑它是否真的能有用。他们在研讨会上提出尖锐的问题。而我却始终摆脱不了一种感觉：我只是在假装。

It was only during my third postdoc that I experienced a change of mindset. It happened after I volunteered to co-lead a group of scientists writing a perspective piece about what future research was needed in our field. After reading the first draft, the senior investigators on the team commented that, although the piece still needed some significant changes, it was suitable for submission to a high-impact journal. Up to then, I had focused on publishing in discipline-specific journals. So I replied skeptically, saying that although I appreciated their optimism, such journals were out of my reach. They insisted we could do it. “We will follow your lead,” they said. This statement awakened something in me. Clearly, they saw me as knowledgeable and competent, and as someone with important things to say. Maybe I needed to value my own skills and expertise a little more highly?  

直到我的第三个博士后期间，我的心态才发生了变化。这一转变发生在我自愿与一群科学家共同领导撰写一篇关于本领域未来研究需求的综述文章之后。在读完初稿后，团队中的资深研究员评论说，尽管这篇文章还需要一些重大修改，但它已经适合提交给高影响力的期刊。在此之前，我一直专注于在专业领域内的期刊上发表文章。于是我怀疑地回答，虽然我很感激他们的乐观，但这类期刊对我来说是遥不可及的。他们坚持认为我们可以做到。“我们会跟随你的领导，”他们说。这句话唤醒了我内心深处的某种东西。显然，他们认为我学识渊博、能力出众，并且是一个有重要见解的人。也许我需要更高看一眼自己的技能和专业知识？

I decided to do my best to improve the article - spending more than a year reading dozens of papers, leading group discussions, and editing the article. The process was long and tedious, and we’re still not sure where it’ll be published. But the more time I dedicated to it, the more knowledgeable I felt, and the more my confidence grew. Leading the writing of that article made me realize I have become an expert in my field. I now know I can make a difference in science, and I finally feel it is the right path for me. I’m grateful my mentors never stopped believing in me and allowed me to stick around long enough to gain confidence in my abilities. Now, I feel ready to apply for tenure-track positions.  

我决定尽力改进这篇文章——花了一年多时间阅读数十篇论文，主持小组讨论，反复修改文章。这个过程漫长而繁琐，我们仍然不确定它最终会在哪里发表。但随着我投入的时间越来越多，就越觉得自己学识扎实，自信心也随之增长。牵头撰写这篇文章让我意识到，我已经成为了自己领域的专家。我现在知道，我可以为科学做出贡献，也终于感到这是适合我的道路。我很感激我的导师们从未停止相信我，并允许我留下来足够长的时间，以建立对自己能力的信心。现在，我已经准备好申请终身教职岗位了。

When students ask me for advice, I tell them that one does not need to have a clear life plan to belong in science. Many scientists know from the start that they want to be academic researchers. But for others the path unfolds gradually, with spurts of doubt and uncertainty along the way. In a way, that’s fitting. As researchers we are explorers, and part of our mission involves finding our way without always knowing where we are going.  

当学生向我寻求建议时，我会告诉他们，不需要有一个明确的人生计划才能投身科学。许多科学家从一开始就明确知道他们想成为学术研究人员。但对另一些人来说，这条道路是逐渐展开的，途中充满了疑惑和不确定性。某种程度上，这也恰如其分。作为研究人员，我们是探索者，我们的使命之一就是在不知道前方路在何方的情况下找到自己的方向。

【词汇】

1. doctoral adj. 博士的，博士学位的  

2. submission n. 提交，呈递  

3. spurt n. 突然的增加或迸发  

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