Sheryl Sandberg Gives UC Berkeley Commencement Keynote Speech

25.7分钟 2125次

Facebook 首席运营官、《向前一步》的作者谢丽尔·桑德伯格在UC Berkeley的演讲。她将告诉你在她的丈夫过世之后,她是符合走出阴影,重新振作的。

0:00  (audience applause)
0:05  - Thank you, Marie.
0:07  And thank you esteemed members of the faculty,
0:10  proud parents, devoted friends, squirming siblings,
0:15  congratulations to all of you.
0:17  But especially, congratulations to the magnificent
0:21  Berkeley Class of 2016.
0:23  (woman screams)
0:25  (audience applause)
0:31  It's my privilege to be here at Berkeley,
0:33  which has produced so many Nobel Prize winners,
0:36  Turing Award winners, astronauts, members of Congress,
0:41  Olympic gold medalists, and that's just the women.
0:45  (audience cheers)
0:53  Berkeley has always been ahead of the times.
0:55  As Chancellor Dirks said, in the 1960's,
0:58  you led the free speech movement.
1:01  Back then, people used to say with all the hair,
1:04  "How do we even tell the men from the women?"
1:07  Today we know the answer. Man buns.
1:11  (audience laughs)
1:15  Early on, Berkeley opened its doors
1:19  to the entire population.
1:21  When this campus opened in 1873,
1:25  you had 167 men and 222 women.
1:32  It took my alma mater another 90 years to give a
1:35  single degree to a single woman.
1:40  One of the women who came here in
1:41  search of opportunity was Roselyn Nuss.
1:45  Ros grew up scrubbing floors in the
1:47  Berkling boarding house where she lived.
1:50  In high school, her parents pulled her
1:52  out of school to help support the family.
1:55  And it was a local teacher who talked her parents
1:57  into putting her back into school.
2:00  In 1973, she sat where you sit today,
2:05  and she became a Berkeley graduate.
2:11  Ros was my grandmother.
2:15  (audience cheers)
2:23  She is one of the major sources of inspiration in my life.
2:26  I was born on her birthday.
2:28  And I am so grateful to Berkeley
2:31  for recognizing her potential.
2:34  And I want to say a special congratulations
2:36  to the many who today become the first
2:38  in your families to graduate from college.
2:41  What a remarkable achievement.
2:43  (audience cheers)
2:51  Today is a day of celebration.
2:54  A day to celebrate all the hard work
2:55  that got you to this moment.
2:58  Today is a day of thanks.
3:00  A day to thank all the people who helped you get here.
3:03  The people who taught you and nurtured you,
3:06  cheered you on, and dried your tears.
3:09  Or at least didn't write on you with a sharpie
3:11  when you fell asleep at a party.
3:13  (audience chuckles)
3:16  Today is a day of reflection
3:19  because today marks the end of one era of your life
3:23  and the beginning of something new.
3:28  A commencement address is meant to be
3:30  a dance between youth and wisdom.
3:33  You provide the youth.
3:35  Someone comes up here to be the voice of wisdom.
3:38  That's supposed to be me.
3:41  I tell you all the things I've learned in life,
3:43  you throw your cap in the air,
3:46  you let your family take a million photos,
3:49  and hopefully post them on Instagram,
3:52  and then we all go home happy.
3:57  Today's gonna be a bit different.
4:00  We'll still do the caps
4:02  and you still have to do the photos,
4:04  but I'm not gonna tell you today what I learned in life.
4:07  Today I'm going to try to tell you what I learned in death.
4:12  I've not spoken about this publicly before, and it's hard,
4:16  but I promise not to blow my nose
4:18  on this beautiful Berkeley robes.
4:25  One year and 13 days ago, I lost my husband, Dave.
4:32  His death was sudden and unexpected.
4:35  We were in Mexico celebrating a friends 50th birthday party.
4:40  I took a nap. He went to workout.
4:44  What followed was the unthinkable.
4:48  I walked into a gym to find him lying on the floor.
4:52  I flew home to tell my children that their father was gone.
4:57  I watched his casket being lowered into the ground.
5:04  For many months afterward, and at many times since,
5:07  I was swallowed in the deep fog of grief,
5:10  what I think of as the void.
5:12  An emptiness that fills your heart and your lungs,
5:15  constricts your ability to think or even to breathe.
5:21  Dave's death changed me in very profound ways.
5:26  I learned about the depths of sadness
5:27  and the brutality of loss.
5:30  But I also learned that when life sucks you under,
5:35  you can kick against the bottom,
5:37  find the surface, and breathe again.
5:42  (audience applause)
5:52  I learned that in the face of the void,
5:56  or in the face of any challenge,
5:59  you can choose joy and meaning.
6:03  I'm...
6:06  (audience cheers)
6:14  I'm sharing this with you today,
6:16  in the hopes that on this day in your lives,
6:19  with all the momentum and the joy,
6:22  you can learn in life the lessons I only learned in death.
6:27  Lessons about hope, about strength,
6:31  and about the light within us that will not be extinguished.
6:37  (audience applause)
6:44  Everyone who's made it through Cal
6:46  has already experienced some disappointment.
6:49  You wanted an A, but you got a B.
6:53  Let's be honest, you got an A minus but you're still mad.
6:57  (sparse laughter)
7:00  You applied for an internship at Facebook,
7:03  but you only got one at Google.
7:05  (audience laughs)
7:11  She was clearly the love of your life,
7:14  but then she swiped left.
7:16  (audience laughs)
7:20  Game of Thrones, the show, has diverged
7:23  way too much from the books,
7:25  and you're mad because you read 4,352 pages.
7:29  (sparse cheers)
7:34  You will almost certain face more and deeper adversity.
7:38  There's loss of opportunity, the job that doesn't work out,
7:43  the illness or crime which changes everything in an instant.
7:47  There's loss of dignity.
7:49  The sharp sting of prejudice when it happens.
7:53  There's loss of love.
7:54  The broken relationships that can't be repaired.
7:58  And sometimes, there's loss of life itself.
8:06  Many of you have already experienced
8:08  the kind of tragedy and hardship
8:09  that leaves an indelible mark.
8:12  Last year Radhika, winner of the University Medal,
8:15  spoke so beautifully about the sudden loss of her mother.
8:19  The question is not if some
8:21  of these things will happen to you.
8:22  They will.
8:24  What I want to talk about today
8:26  is what you do next.
8:29  About the things you can do to overcome adversity
8:32  no matter when it hits you or how it hits.
8:37  The easy days ahead of you will be easy.
8:40  It is the hard days, the days that challenge you
8:43  to your very core, that will determine who you are.
8:49  You will be defined, not just by what you achieve,
8:53  but by how you survive.
8:58  (audience applause)
9:07  A few weeks after Dave died,
9:08  I was talking to my friend Phil
9:11  about a father-son activity Dave would not be here to do.
9:15  We came in with a plan to fill in for Dave,
9:18  but I cried to Phil.
9:20  I said, "I want Dave."
9:24  Phil put his arm around me and said, "Option A is not
9:26  available, so let's just kick the shit out of option B."
9:32  (audience cheers)
9:39  We all, at some point, live some form of option B.
9:42  The question is, what do we do next?
9:53  As a representative of Silicon Valley,
9:54  I'm pleased to tell you that there's data we can learn from.
9:59  After spending decades studying how people
10:01  deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman
10:04  found that there are three keys,
10:06  personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence,
10:10  that are critical to how we bounce back from hardship.
10:14  The seeds of resilience are planted in the way
10:17  we process the negative events of our lives.
10:22  The first P is personalization,
10:24  the belief that we are at fault.
10:26  This is different from taking responsibility,
10:28  which you should always do.
10:30  This is the lesson that not everything that happens to us,
10:34  happens because of us.
10:37  When Dave died, I had a very common reaction,
10:40  which is to blame myself.
10:42  He died in seconds from a cardiac arrhythmia.
10:46  I pored over his medical records asking
10:48  what I could've or should've done.
10:51  It wasn't until I learned about the three P's
10:55  that I accepted that I could not have prevented his death.
10:58  His doctor's had not diagnosed his coronary artery disease.
11:03  I was an economics major. How could I?
11:07  Studies show that getting past personalization
11:10  can make us stronger.
11:12  Teachers who have students who fail who believe
11:16  they can do better, revisit their methods
11:19  and have future classes that excel.
11:22  College swimmers who underperform in a race,
11:26  but believe they can do better, do.
11:30  Not taking failures personally,
11:33  allows us to recover, and even to thrive.
11:38  The second P is pervasiveness,
11:41  the belief that an event will effect all areas of your life.
11:45  You know that song Everything is Awesome?
11:49  This is the flip, Everything is Awful.
11:53  There's nowhere to hide from the all consuming sadness.
11:58  The child psychologist that I spoke to encouraged me
12:01  to get my children back to their routine
12:03  as quickly as possible.
12:05  So ten days after Dave died, my kids went back to school
12:09  and I went back to work.
12:12  I remember sitting in my first
12:13  Facebook meeting in a total haze,
12:16  thinking what is everyone talking about
12:19  and how could this possibly matter.
12:23  And then, I got drawn into the conversation
12:25  and for a second, the briefest of all seconds,
12:29  I forgot about death.
12:32  That second helped me see that there were other things
12:35  in my life that were not awful.
12:38  My children and I were healthy.
12:40  My friends and family, some of whom are with me today,
12:44  were carrying us, quite literally.
12:48  The loss of a partner often has severe,
12:50  negative financial consequences, especially for women.
12:54  So many single mothers and fathers
12:58  struggle to make ends meet, and don't get
13:00  the time off they need to care for their families.
13:04  I had financial security, the ability to
13:07  take the time off I needed, and not just a job I loved,
13:11  but one where I was encouraged to spend all day on Facebook.
13:16  (audience laughs)
13:20  Gradually, my children started sleeping through the night,
13:24  crying less, and playing more.
13:29  The third P is permanence,
13:31  the belief that the sorrow will last forever.
13:35  This was the hardest by me for far because for so long
13:39  it felt like the overwhelming grief would never leave.
13:43  We often project our current feelings out indefinitely.
13:47  We're anxious, and then we're anxious that we're anxious.
13:51  We're sad, and then we're sad that we're sad.
13:56  Instead, we should accept our feelings
13:58  but know that they won't last forever.
14:01  My Rabbi of all people actually told me,
14:05  and this is a quote, that I should "lean into the suck."
14:12  Not what I meant when I said, "Lean in."
14:18  None of you need me to explain the fourth P,
14:21  which is of course pizza from Cheese Board.
14:24  (sparse cheers)
14:28  But I wish I had known about the three P's
14:31  where I was your age, because there are
14:33  so many times they would have helped me.
14:36  Day one of my first job out of college,
14:39  my new boss figured out that
14:41  I did not know how to enter data into Lotus 1-2-3.
14:45  That's a spreadsheet. Ask your parents later.
14:48  (audience chuckles)
14:49  His mouth dropped open, and he said in front of everyone,
14:52  "I can't believe you got this job without knowing that."
14:55  And then he left the room.
14:58  I was sure I was getting fired my very first week of work.
15:03  I thought I was terrible at everything,
15:05  but really, I was just terrible at spreadsheets.
15:09  Understanding pervasiveness would've saved me
15:12  a lot of anxiety that first week.
15:16  I wish I'd known about permanence
15:18  when I broke up with boyfriends.
15:20  It would've been a comfort to know
15:22  that that feeling wasn't gonna last forever.
15:25  And if I was honest with myself,
15:27  neither were any of those relationships.
15:30  (audience chuckles)
15:33  And I wish I had understood personalization
15:35  when boyfriends broke up with me.
15:38  Sometimes it's not you, it really is them.
15:43  That guy really didn't shower.
15:46  (audience chuckles)
15:51  And all three P's ganged up on me
15:54  when in my 20's I got divorced.
15:57  At the time, I thought that no matter what else I did,
16:01  I was a massive failure.
16:04  The three P's are common emotional reactions
16:07  to so many things that happen to us in our careers,
16:11  in our personal lives, in our relationships.
16:14  You're probably feeling one of them right now
16:17  about something in your life.
16:20  But if you can recognize your falling into these traps,
16:24  you can correct because just as our bodies
16:27  have a physiological immune system,
16:30  our brains have a psychological immune system,
16:33  and there are things you can do to help kick it into gear.
16:38  One day my friend Adam Grant, the psychologist,
16:41  suggested that I think about how much worse things could be.
16:45  This was completely counterintuitive to me.
16:48  I would've thought that getting through something like death
16:51  was about finding every positive thought I could.
16:55  "Worse?" I said to him. "Are you crazy?
16:58  How could things be worse?"
17:02  He looked at me and said, "Dave could've had
17:05  that same cardiac arrhythmia driving your children."
17:15  The minute he said it, I felt
17:18  overwhelming gratitude that my children were alive.
17:23  And that gratitude overtook some of the grief.
17:29  Finding gratitude and appreciation is key to resilience.
17:33  People who take the time to list the things
17:35  they are grateful for are healthier and happier.
17:40  My New Year's resolution this year
17:42  is to, before I go to bed, write down three moments of joy.
17:46  And this really simple practice has changed me life,
17:50  because no matter what happens each day
17:52  I go to bed thinking of something cheerful.
17:55  Try it.
17:57  Try it tonight when you have
17:58  so many things to be joyful for.
18:03  Although maybe before you go to Kip's
18:05  and don't remember what they are.
18:07  (audience laughs)
18:23  Last month, 11 days before the anniversary of Dave's death,
18:30  I broke down crying to a friend of mine.
18:33  We were sitting, of all places, on a bathroom floor.
18:38  I said, "11 days. A year ago he had 11 days left,
18:45  and we had no idea."
18:49  And then through tears we asked each other
18:52  how we would live if we knew we had 11 days left.
18:57  As you graduate, can you ask yourselves
19:00  to live as if you had 11 days left?
19:04  I don't mean blow everything off and party all the time,
19:08  although I've already said tonight's an exception.
19:13  I mean live with the understanding
19:14  of how precious every day would be,
19:18  because that's how precious every day actually is.
19:26  (audience applause)
19:36  A few years ago, my mom had to have her hip replaced.
19:40  Before that, she walked without pain,
19:43  but as her hip disintegrated,
19:44  every step she took was painful.
19:47  Today, years after the operation,
19:51  she's walking without pain,
19:53  but she's grateful for those steps.
19:56  Something that never would've even occurred to her before.
20:03  I stand here today, a year after
20:06  the very worst day of my life,
20:10  the worst day...the worst day I can imagine,
20:18  and two things are true.
20:22  I have a huge reservoir of sadness.
20:24  It is with me always. It is right here where I can touch it.
20:29  I never knew I could cry so often or so much.
20:41  But for the first time, I'm grateful
20:44  for each breath, in and out.
20:46  I'm grateful for the gift of life itself.
20:50  I used to celebrate my birthday every five years
20:53  and my friend's birthdays sometimes.
20:56  Now I celebrate always.
21:00  I used to go to bed every night worrying about all
21:03  the things I did wrong that day,
21:05  and trust me the list was long.
21:08  Now I go to bed trying to focus
21:11  on that day's moments of joy.
21:16  It is the greatest irony of my life
21:20  that losing my husband helped me find deeper gratitude.
21:27  Gratitude for the kindness of my friends,
21:30  the love of my family, and the laughter of my children.
21:36  My hope for you, is that you can find that gratitude,
21:39  not just on the easy days like today,
21:43  but on the hard days when you will need it.
21:48  (audience applause)
21:57  There are so many moments of joy ahead of you.
22:01  The trip you always wanted to take.
22:04  A first kiss with someone you really like.
22:09  Finding a job you believe in.
22:12  Beating Stanford. Go Bears!
22:16  (audience cheers)
22:22  All of these things will happen to you.
22:25  Enjoy each and every one.
22:27  I hope that you live your life,
22:29  each precious day of it, with joy and meaning.
22:33  I hope that you walk without pain,
22:36  and you are grateful for each step.
22:40  And when the challenges come, I hope you remember
22:43  that deep within you is the ability to learn and grow.
22:48  You are not born with a fixed amount of resilience.
22:51  It's a muscle.
22:53  You can build it up and then draw on it when you need it.
22:57  And in that process, you figure out who you really are,
23:02  and you just might become the very best version of yourself.
23:11  (audience applause)
23:18  Class of 2016, as you leave Berkeley, build resilience.
23:28  Build resilience in yourselves.
23:31  When tragedy or disappointments strike,
23:33  know that you have deep within you
23:36  the ability to get through anything,
23:38  and I mean anything.
23:40  I promise you do.
23:42  As the saying goes "We are more vulnerable
23:45  than we ever thought. But we are stronger
23:49  than we ever imagined."
23:54  (audience applause)
23:59  Build resilient organizations.
24:02  If anyone can do it, you can.
24:04  Because Berkeley is filled with people
24:06  who want to make the world a better place.
24:09  Never stop working to do so, whether it's a board room
24:13  that's not representative, or a campus that's unsafe.
24:18  Speak up, especially at institutions like this,
24:22  that you hold so dear.
24:24  My favorite poster at work reads
24:26  "Nothing at Facebook is someone else's problem."
24:30  When you see things that are broken,
24:33  and you will see things that are broken,
24:36  go fix them.
24:41  (audience applause)
24:46  Build resilient communities.
24:49  We find our humanity, our will to live, and our ability
24:57  to love, in our relationships with each other.
25:02  Be there for your family and friends.
25:05  And I mean in person.
25:07  Not just in a message with a heart emoji.
25:12  Lift each other up.
25:15  Help each other kick the shit out of option B.
25:19  And celebrate every moment of joy. Go Bears!
25:26  (audience cheers)  

  • 时长:25.7分钟
  • 来源:王老师 2016-06-06