Laura Trice: Remember to say thank you
记得感谢身边的人

难度级别：★★★

燕山大学 刘立军 宋葳 编写

◆INTRODUCTION

In this deceptively simple 3-minute talk, Dr. Laura Trice muses on the power of the magic words "thank you" - to deepen a friendship, to repair a bond, to make sure another person knows what they mean to you. Try it.

◆BEFORE VIEWING

TASK 1: VOCABULARY PREVIEW

1. deceptively simple 看似简单的

2. muse v. muse (about/on/over/upon sth.): to think carefully about sth. for a time, ignoring what is happening around you 沉思；冥想。例如：I sat quietly, musing on the events of the day. 我静静地坐着，沉思一天中所发生的事。

3. rehab n. (especially North American English) the process of helping to cure sb. who has a problem with drugs or alcohol （吸毒或酗酒者的）康复。例如：
○to go into rehab进行康复治疗
○a rehab clinic康复诊所

4. addiction n. （不可数名词，可数名词） addiction (to sth.): the condition of being addicted to sth. 瘾；入迷；嗜好。例如：
○cocaine addiction可卡因瘾
○He is now fighting his addiction to alcohol. 他现在正努力戒酒。

5. rare adj. (of meat 肉) cooked for only a short time so that the inside is still red 半熟的；半生的

6. true v. make level, square, balanced, or concentric决定（某物）的位置以使其平衡、平稳或水平

7. warp n. (technical 术语) the threads on a loom (= a machine used for making cloth) that other threads are passed over and under in order to make cloth （织布机上的）经线，经纱

8. household n. all the people living together in a house 一家人；家庭；同住一所房子的人。例如：
○Most households now own at least one car. 大多数家庭现在至少有一辆汽车。
○low-income/one-parent, etc. households低收入、单亲等家庭
○the head of the household户主

TASK 2: TOPIC PREVIEW
Work in pairs and discuss the following question.

Do we need praise from other people and also give compliments to others?

◆VIEWING

TASK 3:
Read the passage. Then watch the speech and fill in the blanks with the words you hear.

○TOPIC

Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of _________________________________, and having it be __________________________.

○WHY

And the way I got interested in this was, I noticed in myself, when I was growing up, and until about a few years ago, that I would want to say thank you to someone, I would want to praise them, I would want to take in their praise of me and I'd just stop it. And I asked myself, why? I felt _____________, I felt _______________________. And then my question became, am I the only one who does this? So, I decided to ____________________.

○EXAMPLE

I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility, so I get to see people who are facing life and death with ____________________. And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as, their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them. But then, they hear from all the family and friends that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him, but he never told the son. It's because __________________________________________.

○QUESTION

So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need? I know _______________, married for 25 years, who's longing to hear his wife say, "Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids," but won't ask. I know ________________ who's good at this. She, once a week, meets with her husband and says, "I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids." And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great." And praise really does have to be genuine, but she takes responsibility for that. And _______________, April, who I've had since kindergarten, she thanks her children for doing their chores. And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"

So, the question is, why was I blocking it? Why were other people blocking it? Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare, I need size six shoes," but I won't say, "Would you praise me this way?" And it's because I'm giving you __________________ about me. I'm telling you where I'm insecure. I'm telling you where I need your help. And I'm treating you, my inner circle, like you're the enemy. Because what can you do with that data? You could neglect me. You could abuse it. Or you could actually meet my need.

○EXPERIENCE

And I took my _______________ into the bike store - I love this same bike, and they'd do something called "truing" the wheels. The guy said, "You know, when you true the wheels, it's going to make the bike so much better." I get the same bike back, and they've taken all the little warps out of those same wheels I've had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new.

○CALLING

So, I'm going to challenge all of you. I want you to true your wheels: ____________________________________________________. What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife - go ask her, what does she need? Go home to your husband - what does he need? Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.

○SUGGESTION

And it's simple. And why should we care about this? We talk about world peace. How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages? I think it starts ________________________________, under the same roof. So, let's make it right in our own backyard. And I want to thank all of you in the audience for being great _________________, great __________________, _________________, ____________, _____. And maybe somebody's never said that to you, but you've done a really, really good job. And thank you for being here, just ___________________________________________.

Thank you.

◆AFTER VIEWING

TASK 4:
Work in group and discuss the following question.

What does the speaker want to tell us? Do you agree or disagree? Why or why not?

SUGGESTED ANSWERS

◆BEFORE VIEWING

TASK 2

I agree for several reasons that we need praise from other people and also give compliments to others. First and foremost, in my opinion, sometimes we need praise to let us know that we are right and doing well because we probably don’t have enough confidence in ourselves. Moreover, compliments not only can make people have more confidence but also make them want to become better. When we become better, we also want our family and friends to be like us. Therefore, we start to give them compliments. This is a virtuous circle that can go around and around. In summary, I think praises are great thing, thus we shouldn’t be shy or embarrassed, and we should do this for our friends and family.

◆VIEWING

TASK 3

Q1. praise, admiration and thank you
Q2. specific and genuine
Q3. shy
Q4. embarrassed
Q5. investigate
Q6. addiction
Q7. he didn't know that his son needed to hear it
Q8. a gentleman
Q9. a woman
Q10. a friend of mine
Q11. critical data
Q12. bike
Q13. be honest about the praise that you need to hear
Q14. household by household
Q15. husbands
Q16. mothers
Q17. friends
Q18.daughters
Q19. sons
Q20. showing up and changing the world with your ideas

◆AFTER VIEWING

TASK 4

The speaker argues that we should pay more attention to praising others in an appropriate way, and everyone could ask for praise from others.

I surely agree that everyone needs to be praised, so we should pay more attention to praising others in appropriate situations. However, I strongly disagree that everyone should ask for praise from others, and I will not agree with her on this point. This is because I think that sometimes the praise which you ask for does not sound sincere. Even if you heard the praise which you asked for from others, you would probably not feel happy, because the praise is like a payment in a deal. Finally, I will try to praise others more and more, but I will never ask for praise, because I prefer to hear the praise from others in a more natural way.

I guess that there are many people who have the same feeling as me, most likely many more than those who are bold enough to ask for their own praise. What if Laura just focuses on asking people to praise others? If everyone can praise others sincerely, everyone can hear the sincere praises from others, so nobody would need to ask for praise from others anymore. Therefore, I suggest that Laura focus on encouraging people to praise others sincerely, instead of asking for praise from others. If so, I guess people will more easily agree with her point.

ATTACHMENT: Laura Trice: Remember to say thank you

Laura Trice: Remember to say thank you

0:11
Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of praise, admiration and thank you, and having it be specific and genuine.
0:20
And the way I got interested in this was, I noticed in myself, when I was growing up, and until about a few years ago, that I would want to say thank you to someone, I would want to praise them, I would want to take in their praise of me and I'd just stop it. And I asked myself, why? I felt shy, I felt embarrassed. And then my question became, am I the only one who does this? So, I decided to investigate.
0:43
I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility, so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction. And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as, their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them. But then, they hear from all the family and friends that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him, but he never told the son. It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.
1:07
So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need? I know a gentleman, married for 25 years, who's longing to hear his wife say, "Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids," but won't ask. I know a woman who's good at this. She, once a week, meets with her husband and says, "I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids." And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great." And praise really does have to be genuine, but she takes responsibility for that. And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten, she thanks her children for doing their chores. And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"
1:42
So, the question is, why was I blocking it? Why were other people blocking it? Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare, I need size six shoes," but I won't say, "Would you praise me this way?" And it's because I'm giving you critical data about me. I'm telling you where I'm insecure. I'm telling you where I need your help. And I'm treating you, my inner circle, like you're the enemy. Because what can you do with that data? You could neglect me. You could abuse it. Or you could actually meet my need.

2:13
And I took my bike into the bike store - I love this same bike, and they'd do something called "truing" the wheels. The guy said, "You know, when you true the wheels, it's going to make the bike so much better." I get the same bike back, and they've taken all the little warps out of those same wheels I've had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new. So, I'm going to challenge all of you. I want you to true your wheels: be honest about the praise that you need to hear. What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife - go ask her, what does she need? Go home to your husband - what does he need? Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.
2:45
And it's simple. And why should we care about this? We talk about world peace. How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages? I think it starts household by household, under the same roof. So, let's make it right in our own backyard. And I want to thank all of you in the audience for being great husbands, great mothers, friends, daughters, sons. And maybe somebody's never said that to you, but you've done a really, really good job. And thank you for being here, just showing up and changing the world with your ideas.
3:13
Thank you. (Applause)