Julian Treasure: 5 Ways to Listen Better
有效倾听的五种方法
难度级别：★★★★★

燕山大学 刘立军 宋葳 编写

◆INTRODUCTION

In our louder and louder world, says sound expert Julian Treasure, "We are losing our listening." In this short fascinating talk, Treasure shares five ways to retune your ears for conscious listening to other people and the world around you.

◆BEFORE VIEWING

TASK 1: VOCABULARY PREVIEW

1. retain v. to keep sth.; to continue to have sth. 保持；持有；保留；继续拥有。例如：
○to retain your independence保持独立
○He struggled to retain control of the situation. 他曾努力保持对局势的控制。
○The house retains much of its original charm. 这所房子保留了许多原有的魅力。
○She retained her tennis title for the third year. 她第三年保住了网球冠军的头衔。

2. extraction n. the act or process of removing or obtaining sth. from sth. else 提取；提炼；拔出；开采。例如：
○oil/mineral/coal, etc. extraction石油、矿物、煤等的开采
○the extraction of salt from the sea从海水中提取盐

3. fall short of: to fail to reach the standard that you expected or need 未达到；不符合。例如：
○The hotel fell far short of their expectations. 旅馆远没有他们预期的那么好。

4. reverberation a loud noise that continues for some time after it has been produced because of the surfaces around it 回响；回声；反响

5. embed v. embed sth. (in sth.) to fix sth. firmly into a substance or solid object 把…牢牢地嵌入（或插入、埋入）。例如：
○an operation to remove glass that was embedded in his leg取出扎入他腿部玻璃的手术
○The bullet embedded itself in the wall. 子弹射进了墙里。
○(figurative) These attitudes are deeply embedded in our society (= felt very strongly and difficult to change). 这些看法在我们这个社会中根深蒂固。

6. premium n. 高度重视 If you place a high premium on a quality or characteristic or put a high premium on it, you regard it as very important. 例如：
○I place a high premium on what someone is like as a person. 我非常重视一个人的人品。
○They put a high premium on prevention and primary care. 他们对预防和初级护理极为重视。

7. cacophony n. (formal) a mixture of loud unpleasant sounds 刺耳的嘈杂声

8. auditorily adv. 听觉地

9. refuge n. refuge (from sb./sth.) shelter or protection from danger, trouble, etc. 庇护；避难。例如：
○A further 300 people have taken refuge in the US embassy. 又有300人在美国大使馆避难。
○They were forced to seek refuge from the fighting. 他们被迫寻求庇护，以躲避战争。
○a place of refuge避难所
○As the situation at home got worse she increasingly took refuge in her work. 随着家庭情况的恶化，她越来越在工作中寻求慰藉。

10. soundscape n. 音景

11. bubble n. a ball of air or gas in a liquid, or a ball of air inside a solid substance such as glass 泡；气泡。例如：
○champagne bubbles香槟酒的泡沫
○a bubble of oxygen氧气泡
○blowing bubbles into water through a straw用麦管在水里吹泡泡

12. scenario n. a description of how things might happen in the future 设想；方案；预测。例如：
○Let me suggest a possible scenario. 我来设想一种可能出现的情况。
○The worst-case scenario (= the worst possible thing that could happen) would be for the factory to be closed down. 最坏的情况可能是工厂关闭。
○a nightmare scenario最坏的可能

13. desensitize v. desensitize sb./sth. (to sth.) to make sb./sth less aware of sth., especially a problem or sth bad, by making them become used to it 使（尤对问题或负面事物）不再敏感。例如：
○People are increasingly becoming desensitized to violence on television. 大众对电视上的暴力镜头越来越麻木了。

14. recalibrate v. 重新校准

15. ripple n. a thing that looks or moves like a small wave （外观或运动）如波纹的东西。例如：
○ripples of sand沙滩上的波纹

16. mundane adj. (often disapproving) not interesting or exciting 单调的；平凡的 dull, ordinary 例如：
○a mundane task/job平凡的任务 / 职业
○I lead a pretty mundane existence. 我过着相当平淡的生活。
○On a more mundane level, can we talk about the timetable for next week? 说点儿实际的吧，我们能谈谈下周的时间安排吗？

17. contemplation n. the act of thinking deeply about sth 深思；沉思。例如：
○He sat there deep in contemplation. 他坐在那里沉思着。
○a few moments of quiet contemplation默默沉思的片刻
○a life of prayer and contemplation祈祷与冥思的生活

TASK 2: TOPIC PREVIEW
Work in pairs and discuss the following question.

What do you think of LISTENING?

◆VIEWING

TASK 3:
Read the table. Then watch the video and complete the table with the words you hear.

Topic		5 ways to listen better
Introduction	We are losing our listening.	We spend roughly ____________ percent of our communication time listening, but we're not very good at it. We retain just ___________ percent of what we hear. Now, not you, not this talk, but that is generally true.
	What’s listening?	Let's define listening as ________________________. It's a __________________, and it's a process of extraction.
Body	Main point 1	We use some pretty cool _______________ to do this.
		l Pattern recognition l Differencing l Filters l Intention
	Main point 2	Reasons of losing our listening
		l First of all, we invented ways of recording - first ______________, then __________________ and now __________________ as well. l Secondly, the world is now so _____________, with this cacophony going on visually and auditorily, it's just ___________ to listen; it's _________ to listen. l We're becoming _______________.
	Main point 3	5 ways to improve our own conscious listening
		l The first one is ______________. l Second, I call this "the ___________." l Third, this exercise I call " ____________," and this is a beautiful exercise. l The next exercise is probably the most important of all of these, if you just take one thing away. This is  ________________________ - the idea that you can move your listening position to what's appropriate to what you're listening to. l The acronym is RASA, which is the Sanskrit word for " ___________" or " ______________." And RASA stands for " _____________," which means pay attention to the person; " _______________," making little noises like "hmm," "oh," "OK"; " _________" - the word "so" is very important in communication; and " ______________," ask questions afterwards.
Conclusion		I believe that every human being needs to listen consciously in order to live fully
		And let's get listening taught in schools, and transform the world in one generation to a conscious, listening world - a world of _________________, a world of _____________ and a world of _______________.

◆AFTER VIEWING

TASK 4:
Work in group and discuss the following question.

How to be a good listener?

SUGGESTED ANSWERS

◆BEFORE VIEWING

TASK 2

LISTENING is an important skill in our daily life. The problem is how we can improve our listening skills. We can improve our listening skills just as we improve any other skill.

○Listening is important because we can learn new information through listening.

○Listening also includes paying attention to the person speaking, so we can also pick up on body language, gestures, expressions, and other non-verbal clues to help us understand what they are saying.

○Listening is also polite, and it helps us to get along with other people.

○Listening is a virtue, something that not everyone has. It gives us an insight of other persons’ thoughts and their behavior, and which in turn makes dealing easy with them. Sometimes just by listening, we can help people reason with themselves and deal better with their emotions. And most importantly, it gives us other persons’ perspective of the problem or the situation.

○If you are a good a good listener, everywhere you go, people will like you.

◆VIEWING

TASK 3

1. 60
2. 25
3. making meaning from sound
4. mental process
5. techniques
6. writing
7. audio recording
8. video recording
9. noisy
10. hard
11. tiring
12. impatient
13. silence
14. mixer
15. savoring
16. listening positions
17. juice
18. essence
19. Receive
20. Appreciate
21. Summarize
22. Ask
23. connection
24. understanding
25. peace

◆AFTER VIEWING

TASK 4

Being a good listener can help you to see the world through the eyes of others. It enriches your understanding and expands your capacity for empathy. It also increases your contact with the outside world by helping you improve your communication skills. Good listening skills can provide you with a deeper level of understanding about someone’s situation, and helps to know what words are best to use or which words to avoid. As simple as listening (and acknowledging) may seem, doing it well, particularly when disagreements arise, takes sincere effort and lots of practice. To get more information about how to be a good listener, please see attachment 2, or visit http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Good-Listener.

ATTACHMENTS:

Attachment 1: 5 ways to listen better
Attachment 2: How to be a good listener

Attachment 1: 5 ways to listen better

0:11
We are losing our listening. We spend roughly 60 percent of our communication time listening, but we're not very good at it. We retain just 25 percent of what we hear. Now, not you, not this talk, but that is generally true.
0:25
(Laughter)
0:27
Let's define listening as making meaning from sound. It's a mental process, and it's a process of extraction.
0:34
We use some pretty cool techniques to do this. One of them is pattern recognition. (Crowd noises) So in a cocktail party like this, if I say, "David, Sara, pay attention" - some of you just sat up. We recognize patterns to distinguish noise from signal, and especially our name. Differencing is another technique we use. If I left this pink noise on for more than a couple of minutes, (Pink noise) you would literally cease to hear it. We listen to differences; we discount sounds that remain the same.
1:04
And then there is a whole range of filters. These filters take us from all sound down to what we pay attention to. Most people are entirely unconscious of these filters. But they actually create our reality in a way, because they tell us what we're paying attention to right now. I'll give you one example of that. Intention is very important in sound, in listening. When I married my wife, I promised her I would listen to her every day as if for the first time. Now that's something I fall short of on a daily basis.
1:36
(Laughter)
1:37
But it's a great intention to have in a relationship.
1:39
(Laughter)
1:41
But that's not all. Sound places us in space and in time. If you close your eyes right now in this room, you're aware of the size of the room from the reverberation and the bouncing of the sound off the surfaces; you're aware of how many people are around you, because of the micro-noises you're receiving. And sound places us in time as well, because sound always has time embedded in it. In fact, I would suggest that our listening is the main way that we experience the flow of time from past to future. So, "Sonority is time and meaning" - a great quote.
2:15
I said at the beginning, we're losing our listening. Why did I say that? Well, there are a lot of reasons for this. First of all, we invented ways of recording - first writing, then audio recording and now video recording as well. The premium on accurate and careful listening has simply disappeared. Secondly, the world is now so noisy, (Noise) with this cacophony going on visually and auditorily, it's just hard to listen; it's tiring to listen. Many people take refuge in headphones, but they turn big, public spaces like this, shared soundscapes, into millions of tiny, little personal sound bubbles. In this scenario, nobody's listening to anybody.
2:58
We're becoming impatient. We don't want oratory anymore; we want sound bites. And the art of conversation is being replaced - dangerously, I think - by personal broadcasting. I don't know how much listening there is in this conversation, which is sadly very common, especially in the UK. We're becoming desensitized. Our media have to scream at us with these kinds of headlines in order to get our attention. And that means it's harder for us to pay attention to the quiet, the subtle, the understated.
3:31
This is a serious problem that we're losing our listening. This is not trivial, because listening is our access to understanding. Conscious listening always creates understanding, and only without conscious listening can these things happen. A world where we don't listen to each other at all is a very scary place indeed. So I'd like to share with you five simple exercises, tools you can take away with you, to improve your own conscious listening. Would you like that?
4:03
Audience: Yes!
4:04
Good. The first one is silence. Just three minutes a day of silence is a wonderful exercise to reset your ears and to recalibrate, so that you can hear the quiet again. If you can't get absolute silence, go for quiet, that's absolutely fine.
4:20
Second, I call this "the mixer." (Noise) So even if you're in a noisy environment like this - and we all spend a lot of time in places like this - listen in the coffee bar to how many channels of sound can I hear? How many individual channels in that mix am I listening to? You can do it in a beautiful place as well, like in a lake. How many birds am I hearing? Where are they? Where are those ripples? It's a great exercise for improving the quality of your listening.
4:48
Third, this exercise I call "savoring," and this is a beautiful exercise. It's about enjoying mundane sounds. This, for example, is my tumble dryer.
4:57
(Dryer)
4:58
It's a waltz - one, two, three; one, two, three; one, two, three. I love it! Or just try this one on for size.
5:06
(Coffee grinder)
5:15
Wow! So, mundane sounds can be really interesting - if you pay attention. I call that the "hidden choir" - it's around us all the time.
5:24
The next exercise is probably the most important of all of these, if you just take one thing away. This is listening positions - the idea that you can move your listening position to what's appropriate to what you're listening to. This is playing with those filters. Remember I gave you those filters? It's starting to play with them as levers, to get conscious about them and to move to different places. These are just some of the listening positions, or scales of listening positions, that you can use. There are many. Have fun with that. It's very exciting.
5:54
And finally, an acronym. You can use this in listening, in communication. If you're in any one of those roles - and I think that probably is everybody who's listening to this talk - the acronym is RASA, which is the Sanskrit word for "juice" or "essence." And RASA stands for "Receive," which means pay attention to the person; "Appreciate," making little noises like "hmm," "oh," "OK"; "Summarize" - the word "so" is very important in communication; and "Ask," ask questions afterwards.
6:26
Now sound is my passion, it's my life. I wrote a whole book about it. So I live to listen. That's too much to ask for most people. But I believe that every human being needs to listen consciously in order to live fully - connected in space and in time to the physical world around us, connected in understanding to each other, not to mention spiritually connected, because every spiritual path I know of has listening and contemplation at its heart.
6:53
That's why we need to teach listening in our schools as a skill. Why is it not taught? It's crazy. And if we can teach listening in our schools, we can take our listening off that slippery slope to that dangerous, scary world that I talked about, and move it to a place where everybody is consciously listening all the time, or at least capable of doing it.
7:15
Now, I don't know how to do that, but this is TED, and I think the TED community is capable of anything. So I invite you to connect with me, connect with each other, take this mission out. And let's get listening taught in schools, and transform the world in one generation to a conscious, listening world - a world of connection, a world of understanding and a world of peace.
7:36
Thank you for listening to me today.
7:38
(Applause)



Attachment 2: How to Be a Good Listener

Being a good listener can help you to see the world through the eyes of others. It enriches your understanding and expands your capacity for empathy. It also increases your contact with the outside world by helping you improve your communication skills. Good listening skills can provide you with a deeper level of understanding about someone’s situation, and helps to know what words are best to use or which words to avoid. As simple as listening (and acknowledging) may seem, doing it well, particularly when disagreements arise, takes sincere effort and lots of practice. If you want to know how to be a good listener, read on to get started!

Part 1: Listening with an Open Mind

Step 1: Place yourself in the other person's shoes.

It's easy to get lost in yourself and to only consider the impact of the other person's "telling" on you. But active listening is blocked by your inward thinking. Instead, you must open out and look at the problems from the other person's perspective: and assume that if you had been in their shoes, you would have seen your way through the problem much faster. By being a good listener this can also help you become better friends with the person by getting to know more about them.

○Remember that you have two ears and one mouth for a reason. This means that you should be listening more than you are talking. It is more beneficial to listen than it is to talk. When listening to people, engage in the conversation and make eye contact so they know that you care about what they are saying (even if you don't care, it is still polite). People who listen more are more observant and therefore more thoughtful and have a better understanding of things. Make sure you really are listening and not doing something else. Try to make sure you are completely focused on the person who is talking and not get sidetracked. Make sure you are making eye contact with the person, not someone else or something else.

○Instead of immediately judging the person who is speaking, or coming up with a "solution" right away, just take the time to listen and to look at the situation from the other person's perspective. Think about how you would feel if someone was silently judging you. This will help you truly hear the person instead of forming your own opinions before you truly understand the situation at hand.

Step 2: Avoid comparing the person's experiences to your own.

Though you may think that the best thing you can do to really listen is to compare the person's experiences to your own, this is far from the truth. If the person is talking about dealing with a death in the family, you can share some wisdom, but avoid saying, "That's exactly like how it was with me..." This can come off as offensive or insensitive especially when you compare something really serious to your own less-intense experiences, such as comparing the person's divorce to your three-month long relationship this may cause discomfort to the person talking.
○You may think that this is the best way to be helpful and to approach the situation, but this type of thinking is actually reductive and can make the person feel like you're not really listening at all.
○Avoid saying "I" or "me" a lot. This is a good indicator that you're focusing more on yourself than on the person's situation.
○Of course, if the person knows that you've had a similar experience, then he or she may actively ask for your opinion. In this case, you can offer it, but be cautious about acting like your experiences are exactly like the other person's. This might seem as though you are just trying to make fake situations to seem helpful.

Step 3: Don't try to help immediately.

Some people think that, when they're listening, they should also have their gears turning to find a quick and easy solution to the person's problem. Instead of this attitude, you should take what the person says at face value, and take the time to think of a "solution" when the person is speaking - and only if he or she is really looking for help in this way. If you start frantically thinking of all of the quick fixes for the person's problems, then you won't really be listening.

○Focus on absorbing everything the person is saying to you. Only after that can you really try to help.
○Limit distractions. We live in a society that is filled with so many distractions. We are constantly listening to so much noise that it’s a challenge to truly listen to another person. In order for you to be a good listener, you need to limit distractions during your conversation, whether it be the television, telephones or interruptions. It takes a mental decision to limit distractions when you are listening to someone else.

Step 4: Sympathize.

Show them that you care by nodding at appropriate times so they know are listening. Also says little things such as "Yeah" when the person is talking about something that they want you to agree on (you can tell by their tone of voice) or "Wow" when the person talks about a tragedy or something bad done against them. Saying these words shows them that you are not only listening but also paying attention. Say these words at the appropriate times and softly so that you don't come off as overbearing and interrupting. Try to appeal to your sensitive side and comfort the person if in distress. But on the other hand most people do not want to be pitied. So comfort them but don't make yourself seem higher than them.

Step 5: Remember what you've been told.

One important part of being a good listener is to actually absorb the information the person has told you. So, if the person is telling you about his problems with his best friend, Jake, and you've never met the guy before, you can at least remember his name so you can refer to him that way, making it seem like you're better acquainted with the situation. If you don't remember any names, details, or important events, then it won't sound like you're listening.
○It's okay if you don't have a razor sharp memory. However, if you keep having to stop and ask for clarification or keep forgetting who everyone is, then yeah, you won't come off as a very good listener. You don't have to remember every little detail, but you don't want the person who is speaking to feel like they have to repeat themselves a million times, either.

Step 6: Follow up.

Another important part of being a good listener is that you go beyond just hearing the person out having a conversation, and never thinking about it again. If you really want to show that you care, then you should ask the person about the situation the next time you're alone together, or even shoot him or her a text or give a phone call to see how the situation is progressing. If it's something serious like an impending divorce, a job search, or even a health complication, then it can be very nice to show that you care by checking in, even when you're not being asked to. Don't be put off however if they don't want to follow up, accept their decision but tell them you're always there to support them.

○The person who talked to you might be touched that you made the effort to actually think about him or her beyond your conversation and to even check in to see how he or she is caring. This takes your listening skills to the next level.
○Of course, there's a difference between following up and nagging the person. If the person talked to you about how she wants to quit her job, you probably don't want to send a text every day asking if she did it yet, or you'll be putting unneeded pressure on the situation and creating stress instead of helping.

Step 7: Know what not to do.

Knowing what to avoid when you're trying to be a good listener can be almost as helpful as knowing what to do. If you want the speaker to take you seriously and to think that you are being respectful, then here are some general things to avoid:

○Don't interrupt in the middle of a point.
○Don't interrogate the person. Instead, gently ask questions when it's needed (i.e. between gaps or lulls when the person is not talking).
○Don't try to change the subject, even if it's a little uncomfortable.
○Avoid saying, "It's not the end of the world" or "You'll feel better in the morning." This just minimizes the person's problems and makes him or her feel bad. Make eye contact with the person so that they realize that you are interested and are listening.

Part 2: Knowing What to Say

Step 1: Be silent at first.

It might sound obvious and trite, but one of the biggest obstacles to listening is resisting the urge to voice impulsive thoughts. Likewise, many people falsely express empathy by sharing similar their own experiences. Both "gut" responses can be helpful, but they are usually overused and, ultimately, abused.

○Put aside your own needs, and wait patiently for the other person to unfold their thoughts at their own pace and in their own way.

Step 2: Reassure the person of your confidentiality.

If the person is telling you something pretty private or important, then you should make it clear that you're a trustworthy person who can keep their mouth shut. Say that the person can trust you, that whatever is said stays between you two, and that your word is your bond. If the person is unsure of whether or not you can really be trusted, then he or she will be less likely to open up. Also don't force anyone to open up to you as this makes them uncomfortable or angry.

○Of course, when you say that what the person says will remain confidential, it should be true, unless there are circumstances that prevent you from keeping it to yourself, such as if the person is suicidal and you're deeply concerned. If you can't actually be trusted in general, though, then you'll never be a good listener.

Step 3: Be encouraging when you do speak.

It's important to use empathetic sounding back at appropriate intervals during the conversation so the speaker doesn't feel like you're not listening at all. It's helpful to "summarize and restate" or "repeat and encourage" the main points. This will help the conversation feel fluid and will make the speaker less self-conscious about talking. Here's what you should do:

○Repeat and encourage: Repeat some things the speaker said and, at the same time, provide positive feedback as encouragement. For example, you might say, "I can see that you didn't enjoy having to take the blame. I wouldn't have either." Go easy with this technique, though. Use the empathetic sound back as a nudge from time-to-time because if you overwork it, you will come across as patronizing.
○Summarize and restate: It is highly useful to summarize your understanding of what the "teller" has said and to restate it in your own words. This reassures the speaker that you have truly been listening to what he or she is saying and that you "got it". It also provides the speaker with an opportunity to correct mistaken assumptions and misconceptions on your part.
○Make sure to leave the door wide open with statements like, "I may be wrong, but..." or "...Correct me if I am wrong." This technique is especially useful when you find yourself getting frustrated or you sense that your listening focus is wavering.

Step 4: Ask meaningful and empowering questions.

Refrain from probing or putting the other person on the defensive. Rather, aim to use questions as a means by which the speaker can begin to reach his or her own conclusions about the issues being raised. This can help the speaker make his or her own conclusions without sounding judgmental or too forceful. Here are some things to keep in mind:

○Once you have shown empathetic listening, it is time to move into empowered listening: Re-frame the questions you ask. For example, "You didn't enjoy having to take the blame. But I cannot understand why you feel blamed rather than merely being asked not to do something that way."
○Wording the question in this manner presents the speaker with a need to respond directly to your lack of grasping something. In the response process, the speaker should begin to move from a more emotional response to a more logical and constructive response.

Step 5: Wait for the person to open up.

In the process of encouraging a constructive response, an active listener must be ever-so-patient and let the speaker acquire his or her full flow of thoughts, feelings and ideas. These may, at first, start as a trickle and the full flow may take a long time to develop. If you press too early and ask too many personal, probing questions, that may actually have the opposite of the intended effect and may make the person feel defensive and reluctant to share any information.

○Keep your patience and keep your place in the "teller's" shoes. It sometimes helps to imagine why the "teller" has worked into such a situation.

Step 6: Do not interrupt with what you feel or think about the "telling".

Instead, wait for the other person to ask your opinion before breaking the flow of their discourse. Active listening requires the listener to shelve his or her own opinions temporarily and patiently await appropriate breaks in conversation. When the conversation breaks, provide a summary or an empathetic concurrence.

○If you interrupt the person too soon, then he or she will be frustrated and won't fully absorb what you're saying. The person will be eager to finish saying his or her part and you'll be causing a nuisance and a distraction.
○Abstain from giving direct advice (unless you're asked for it). Instead, let the individual talk the situation out and find his or her own way. This empowers both the individual and you. It is the course most likely to result in beneficial change and self-understanding for the "teller" and for you.

Step 7: Reassure the speaker.

Whatever the conclusion of the conversation, let the speaker know that you have been happy to listen and to be a sounding board. Make it clear that you are open to further discussion if need be, but that you will not pressure him or her at all. In addition, reassure the speaker of your intention to keep the discussion confidential. Even if the speaker is in a terrible situation and saying something like, "It's all going to be okay" seems completely inappropriate, you can still reassure the speaker by saying that you're there to listen and to help.

○You can even pat the speaker's hand or knee, put an arm around him or her, or give another reassuring touch. Do whatever is appropriate to the situation. You don't want to overstep your bounds when it comes to touching.
○Offer to assist with any solutions if you have the ability, time and expertise. Do not build up false hopes, though. If the only resource you can provide is to continue to be an active listener, make that very clear. This, in and of itself, this is an extremely valuable help.

Step 8: When giving advice remember to make it neutral and not too influenced by your own experiences.

Think about what is best for the person in question rather than what you did although this may help.

Part 3: Using Appropriate Body Language

Step1: Make eye contact.

Eye contact is important when you are listening. If you give your friend the impression you aren't interested and are distracted, they may never open up to you again. When it comes to being a good listener, it’s important for you to have eye contact with the other person. When someone is talking to you, focus directly on their eyes so that they will know with certainty that you are absorbing every single word. Even if the topic is not interesting to you, at least respect and truly listen to what the speaker has to say. Don't stare off in space.

○Focus your eyes, ears and your thoughts only on him/her and become a good listener. Don't concentrate on thinking about what you will say next, but instead, focus fully on what the other person is saying. (Remember that it's about the person, not you.)

Step 2: Give the speaker your full attention.

If you want to be a good listener, then it's important for you to create a conducive physical and mental space. Remove all distractions and confer all of your attention to the person who has something to say to you. Turn off communication devices (including cell phones) and arrange to talk in a place with no distractions. Once you are face-to-face, quiet your mind and pay attention to what the other person is telling. Show them that you are helpful.

○Pick a place that is free of distractions or other people who might grab your attention. If you go to a coffee shop, make sure you're focused on the person who is speaking, not the interesting characters who walk in and out of the door.
○If you're talking in a public place like a restaurant or a cafe, avoid sitting near a television that's on. Even if you're determined to give the person all of your attention, it can be tempting to take a quick look at the television, especially if your favorite team is playing.

Step 3: Encourage the speaker with body language.

Nodding your head will indicate that you understand what the speaker is saying, and will encourage them to continue. Adopting body postures, positions and movements that are similar to the speaker (mirroring) will enable the speaker to relax and open up more. Try looking straight into their eyes. Not only does this show you are listening, but it shows you take real interest in what they are saying.

○Another way to have encouraging body language is to turn your body toward the speaker. If you're turned away from the speaker, then it may look like you're itching to leave. If you cross your legs, for example, cross your leg toward the speaker instead of away.
○Don't cross your arms over your chest, either. This will make you appear standoffish or skeptical even if you don't actually feel that way.

Step 4: Listen actively to express your interest.

Active listening involves the entire body and face - both yours and that of the speaker. You can be quiet while still making it clear that you are hanging on to every word that the speaker is telling you. Here's how you can make the most of the situation by being an active listener:

○Your words: Though you don't have to say, "Mmhmm," "I see," or "Right," every five seconds or it will begin to get annoying, you can throw in an encouraging phrase here and there to show that you're paying attention. If that person whom you are talking to really means something to you, then you will surely pay attention and help them sort out their problem if there is any.
○Your expression: Look interested and meet the gaze of the speaker from time to time. Do not overwhelm the speaker by staring intently, but do reflect friendliness and openness to what you are listening to.
○Read between the lines: Always be alert for things that have been left unsaid and for cues that can help you gauge the speaker's true feelings. Watch the facial and body expressions of the "teller" to try to gather all information you can, not just from the words. Imagine what kind of state of mind would have made you acquire such expressions, body language and volume.
○Speak at approximately the same energy level as the other person. This way, they will know that the message is getting through and that there is no need to repeat.

Step 5: Don't expect them to open up immediately.

Be patient and willing to just listen, without giving any advice.

○Try to repeat what the other person is saying to confirm the exact meaning. Sometimes words can mean two different things. The best way to confirm and avoid misunderstanding between the conversationalists is to repeat what the other person is saying so that the other person knows you were listening and both of you have the same idea.
○Consider their circumstances. If they are a sensitive person, don't give them "tough love."

Listening Tips

○The more difficult listening becomes, the more important it is to listen.
○Being a good listener is one of the most important skills if you want to advance your career and build meaningful relationships with people.
○Never give out your "amazing" advice (unless they ask you). People just want to be listened to, not be lectured at.
○Just because someone talks to you about their problems, doesn't necessarily mean they want or need you to fix anything. They just want a sounding board sometimes.
○Avoid parroting by repeating the sentences word for word. This can be quite annoying.
○When you look at the person you are listening to, look into their eyes. This shows that you are 100% focused on them, and not distracted by other things going on. Soften your eyes and avoid staring and looks of disbelief. Be comfortable with what is said, insofar as is possible.
○People don't listen to understand, they hear to reply. Take that into consideration.
○Block out any and all distractions around you. This means turn off your cell phone, and refrain from looking out the window or fiddling with your pencil.
○Imagine that there will be a pop quiz on the subject right after. This will help you home in and focus on key points and be attentive to details.
○Keep in mind that sometimes we need to listen "between the lines", but there are times when we need to absorb things at face value and go with the flow of the teller's unfolding.
○If you're thinking of what to say next while the other person is talking, you're not listening. You have short-circuited your ability to help.
○Avoid trivializing. Avoid comments like, "Thousands of people have this problem so don't worry about it."
○From now on listen to the person who is talking to you and your surroundings, you will be impressed by what you hear. Just observe people and listen to what they say and do. You will learn a lot just by listening.
○Postpone an important conversation if you are not in the mood to listen. It is better to not talk if you are not ready. It is counterproductive to force through a conversation where you are too distracted by emotions, worries and external things that disturb the vibrations of the telling.
○Refrain from imposing advice.
○Don't interrupt the person speaking by asking questions or by telling your story in between.
○You have to be receptive and listen to everything, not just the things you want to hear. Not all that you want to hear may be beneficial and not all that you do not want to may be harmful. Sometimes, the most valuable advices are precisely those that you do not wish to hear. Most of the time people will tell you only the things you want to hear because they are afraid of offending you.
○Look them in the eyes and often nod to show them that you are particularly interested and want to hear more.
○Let them talk as much as they need before you start attacking them with questions. Before you start to say something, ask for their permission.
○Be mindful and consider what they say.
○Don't be rude. Try your hardest to be as kind as possible.
○Always try to honestly care about what other people say, if you find the subject boring then at least be polite and pretend to care.
○Even if you don't care about what the person or people are talking about, still listen!
○While people are talking to you, maintain eye contact, so that they know that you are listening.
○Talk to as many people as you can, listen to them carefully and learn from their experiences.
○If you don't understand something, don't be afraid to ask what it means.

Warnings

○Even if the story he/she is sharing is "too long" for you to remain interested, try your best to shake your head out of it and listen to what they're saying. You might not know but chances are you are going to be appreciated a lot for listening to what they have to say. It strengthens the bond of the relationship you both have.
○Try not to talk very much when the person talking to you is telling you something that is very important to them. They feel like they can trust you enough to tell you something that's valuable to them, and if you disrespect them in any way or act like you don't care (even if you don't do it on purpose), then they will feel like they cannot tell you anything any more and this could damage your friendship or minimize your chances of ever becoming friends. If the subject is very important to them you may want to use certain comments that relate to their facial emotions and try to agree.
○Make eye contact. If you don't look the person in the eye they may feel that you are not listening.
○If you find yourself formulating a response before the other person has finished speaking, you're not really listening. Try to wait until they are finished talking to make your point/state a comment. Clear your mind: Blank it and start anew.
○Try to clear your head and give the other party your full attention; you do this by trying to focus as if your life depended on it
○Don't just say uh huh, yes, or nod as people will think that you are too distracted to care and not actually listening.

Available at http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Good-Listener