David Kelley: How to Build Your Creative Confidence?
如何培养创造性自信心

难度级别：★★★★★

燕山大学 刘立军 宋葳 编写

◆INTRODUCTION

Is your school or workplace divided into "creatives" versus practical people? Yet surely, David Kelley suggests, creativity is not the domain of only a chosen few. Telling stories from his legendary design career and his own life, he offers ways to build creative confidence.

◆BEFORE VIEWING

TASK 1: VOCABULARY PREVIEW

1. clay n. a type of heavy, sticky earth that becomes hard when it is baked and is used to make things such as pots and bricks 黏土；陶土

2. sink v. to go down below the surface or towards the bottom of a liquid or soft substance 下沉；下陷；沉没。例如：
○The ship sank to the bottom of the sea. 船沉入海底。
○We're sinking! 我们正在下沉！
○The wheels started to sink into the mud. 车轮渐渐陷进泥里。
○to sink like a stone立即沉没

3. wad up 揉成一团

4. opt out of: to choose not to take part in sth. 决定退出；选择不参与。例如：
○Employees may opt out of the company's pension plan. 雇员可选择不参加该公司的养老金计划。

5. ingrained adj. ingrain (in sb./sth.) (of a habit, an attitude, etc. 习惯、态度等) that has existed for a long time and is therefore difficult to change 根深蒂固的；日久难改的。 deep-rooted
例如：
○ingrained prejudices很深的成见

6. fuzzy adj. confused and not expressed clearly 糊涂的；含混不清的。例如：
○fuzzy ideas/thinking糊涂的想法 / 思想

7. whip out 迅速离开

8. track down: to find sb./sth. after searching in several different places 搜寻到；跟踪找到；追查到。例如：
○The police have so far failed to track down the attacker. 警方至今未能追捕到攻击者。

9. phobia v. a strong unreasonable fear of sth. 恐怖症，恐惧症（无名的极度恐惧）。例如：
○He has a phobia about flying. 他对飞行有恐惧症。

10. preserve v. to keep a particular quality, feature, etc.; to make sure that sth is kept 保护；维护；保留。例如：
○He was anxious to preserve his reputation. 他急于维护自己的名声。
○Efforts to preserve the peace have failed. 维护和平的努力失败了。

11. resilient adj. able to feel better quickly after sth. unpleasant such as shock, injury, etc. 可迅速恢复的；有适应力的。例如：
○He'll get over it - young people are amazingly resilient. 他会克服这些的——年轻人的适应力惊人。

12. self-efficacy 自我效能

13. catharsis n. (technical 术语) the process of releasing strong feelings, for example through plays or other artistic activities, as a way of providing relief from anger, suffering, etc. 宣泄，净化（如通过戏剧或其他艺术活动）

14. validate v. to prove that sth. is true 证实；确认；确证。例如：to validate a theory证实理论

15. pediatric adj. of or relating to the medical care of children 小儿科的

16. sedate v. to give sb. drugs in order to make them calm and/or to make them sleep 给…服镇静剂。例如：
○Most of the patients are heavily sedated. 多数病人服了大剂量镇静药。

17. empathy n. empathy (with sb./sth.) | empathy (for sb./sth.) | empathy (between A and B) the ability to understand another person's feelings, experience, etc. 同感；共鸣；同情。例如：
○the writer's imaginative empathy with his subject 作者把想象中的感情投入到笔下的人物
○empathy for other people's situations对他人所处境况的同情

18. iterative adj. 反复的

19. pirate n. (especially in the past) a person on a ship who attacks other ships at sea in order to steal from them （尤指旧时的）海盗。例如：a pirate ship海盗船

20. anesthesiologist n. (North Amercian English) a doctor who studies the use of anaesthetics 麻醉师

21. gamma rays伽马射线；γ射线 Gamma rays are a type of electromagnetic radiation that has a shorter wavelength and higher energy than X-rays.

TASK 2: TOPIC PREVIEW
Work in pairs and discuss the following question.
What is self-confidence? And how to build self-confidence?

◆VIEWING

TASK 3:
Read the table. Then watch the video and complete the table with the words you hear.

Topic		How to build your creative confidence
Introduction	Example 1	My best friend Brian making a horse out of the clay
		I never saw Brian __________________ like that ever again.
	Example 2	Telling the story of Brian to my class
		And then some kind of opt out of thinking of themselves as creative at that point. And I see that opting out that happens in ______________, and it moves in and becomes more ingrained, even, by the time you get to _________________________.
	Example 3	Behavior of some big-shot executives in a workshop
		And they're just so __________________. When we track them down and ask them what's going on, they say something like, "I'm just not the creative type." But we know that's not true. If they stick with the process, if they stick with it, they end up doing amazing things. And they surprise themselves at just how __________ they and their teams really are.
	Statement	So I've been looking at this _______________ that we have, that you don't do things, you're afraid you're going to be judged; if you don't say the right creative thing, you're going to be judged. And I had a major ____________________, when I met the psychologist Albert Bandura.
Body	Example 1	Bandura: psychologist
		l Bandura is 86 and he still works at Stanford. And he's just a lovely guy. l I went to see him, because he's just worked on _________ for a long time, which I'm very interested in. l And it was really enjoyable, really interesting. l But Bandura has a step-by-step process that was super successful. l Bandura calls this process " _______________________."
		Well, meeting Bandura was really cathartic for me, because I realized that this famous scientist had documented and scientifically validated something that we've seen happen for the last 30 years: that we could take people who had the fear that _______________________, and we could take them through a series of steps, kind of like a series of ____________________________, and they turn fear into ______________________. And they surprise themselves. That _______________________ is amazing.
		We see it at the d. school all the time. People from all different kinds of ___________________, they think of themselves as only analytical. And they come in and they go through the process, our process, they build __________________ and now they think of themselves differently. And they're totally emotionally excited about the fact that they walk around thinking of themselves as ______________________________.
	Example 2	Doug Dietz: a technical person. He designs large medical imaging equipment. He's worked for GE, and he's had a fantastic career. But at one point, he had a moment of crisis.
		And the results were super __________________: from something like 80 percent of the kids needing to be sedated, to something like 10 percent of the kids needing to be sedated. And the hospital and GE were happy, too, because you didn't have to call the anesthesiologist all the time, and they could put more kids through the machine in a day. So the _________________ results were great. But Doug's results that he cared about were much more _________________________. He was with one of the mothers waiting for her child to come out of the scan. And when the little girl came out of her scan, she ran up to her mother and said, "Mommy, can we come back tomorrow?"
	Example 3	I myself: A few years ago, I felt a lump on the side of my neck. It was my turn in the MRI machine. It was cancer, it was the bad kind. I was told I had a 40 percent chance of survival.
		So there were lots of projects that I could work on. But then I decided and committed at this point, to the thing I most wanted to do, which was to help as many people as possible regain __________________________ they lost along their way. And if I was going to survive, that's what I wanted to do. I survived, just so you know.
Conclusion		I really believe that when people gain this confidence - and we see it all the time at the d. school and at IDEO - that they actually start working on the things that are really important in their lives. We see people quit what they're doing and go in new directions. We see them come up with more interesting - and just more - ideas, so they can choose from better ideas. And they just _______________________________.
		So I hope you'll join me on my quest, you as, kind of, thought leaders. It would be really great if you didn't let people divide the world into the creatives and the non-creatives, like it's some God-given thing, and to have people realize that they're ___________________________, and that those natural people should ________________________; that they should achieve what Bandura calls self-efficacy, that you can do what you set out to do, and that you can reach a place of ___________________ and _______________________.

◆AFTER VIEWING

TASK 4:
Work in group and discuss the following question.

What do you learn from this speech?

SUGGESTED ANSWERS

◆BEFORE VIEWING

TASK 2:

Self-confidence is an essential part of humanity. A person with self-confidence generally likes themselves, is willing to take risks to achieve their personal and professional goals, and thinks positively about the future. Someone who lack self-confidence, however, is less likely to feel that they can achieve their goals, and tends to have a negative perspective about themselves and what they hope to gain in life. The good news is that self-confidence is something you can improve! Building self-confidence requires you to cultivate a positive attitude about yourself and your social interactions, while also learning to deal with any negative emotions that arise and practicing greater self-care. You should learn to set goals and take risks, as well, since meeting challenges can further improve your self-confidence. To get more information about how to build self-confidence, please see attachment 2, or visit http://www.wikihow.com/Build-Self-Confidence.

◆VIEWING

TASK 3:

1. do a project
2. childhood
3. adult life
4. uncomfortable
5. innovative
6. fear of judgment
7. breakthrough
8. phobias
9. guided mastery
10. they weren't creative
11. small successes
12. familiarity
13. transformation
14. disciplines
15. confidence
16. a creative person
17. dramatic
18. quantitative
19. qualitative
20. the creative confidence
21. make better decisions
22. naturally creative
23. let their ideas fly
24. creative confidence
25. touch the snake

◆AFTER VIEWING

TASK 4:

○I love this TED talk. This is very inspiring for me. Since childhood, I have that fear of judgment. I can still remember a lot of instances wherein I would totally scratch an idea, a project, an article, a poem because somebody said something bad about it, or I simply felt that if others would see it, they will laugh at me. I cringe whenever somebody laughs at my ideas. It feels like grade school / high school again. Now, I am doing my best to say "let's be confident, we will win when we believe."

○People divide themselves into 'creative' types and 'not creative' - often discouraged by being judged in their childhood. It's not that they can't be creative, just that they're afraid to try. I learned that: Firstly, you have to have confidence in yourself, because you are the only one that can discover what to do with your creativity, and it is true that many people can tell you that you don't be able to do many things, but if you believe in yourself, you can do it.

○In short, creativity is inherent to human nature and not just a given talent. People aren't divided in 'creatives and non-creatives'. Creative confidence comes with small victories, taking little baby steps one at a time. I think why building up confidence, creative confidence especially, is so hard because you are directly exposing yourself. It's much harder to take criticism on something you thought of, because it affects you personnally. I learned from this talk that first of all, one shouldn't be afraid to do something. And secondly, to stick with it is quite important.

ATTACHMENTS:
________________________________________________________________
Attachment 1: David Kelley: How to build your creative confidence
Attachment 2: How to Build Self-confidence



Attachment 1: David Kelley: How to build your creative confidence

0:12
I wanted to talk to you today about creative confidence. I'm going to start way back in the third grade at Oakdale School in Barberton, Ohio.
0:22
I remember one day my best friend Brian was working on a project. He was making a horse out of the clay our teacher kept under the sink. And at one point, one of the girls that was sitting at his table, seeing what he was doing, leaned over and said to him, "That's terrible. That doesn't look anything like a horse." And Brian's shoulders sank. And he wadded up the clay horse and he threw it back in the bin. I never saw Brian do a project like that ever again.
0:55
And I wonder how often that happens, you know? It seems like when I tell that story of Brian to my class, a lot of them want to come up after class and tell me about their similar experience, how a teacher shut them down, or how a student was particularly cruel to them. And then some kind of opt out of thinking of themselves as creative at that point. And I see that opting out that happens in childhood, and it moves in and becomes more ingrained, even, by the time you get to adult life.
1:29
So we see a lot of this. When we have a workshop or when we have clients in to work with us side by side, eventually we get to the point in the process that's kind of fuzzy or unconventional. And eventually, these big-shot executives whip out their BlackBerrys and they say they have to make really important phone calls, and they head for the exits. And they're just so uncomfortable. When we track them down and ask them what's going on, they say something like, "I'm just not the creative type." But we know that's not true. If they stick with the process, if they stick with it, they end up doing amazing things. And they surprise themselves at just how innovative they and their teams really are.
2:14
So I've been looking at this fear of judgment that we have, that you don't do things, you're afraid you're going to be judged; if you don't say the right creative thing, you're going to be judged. And I had a major breakthrough, when I met the psychologist Albert Bandura.
2:32
I don't know if you know Albert Bandura, but if you go to Wikipedia, it says that he's the fourth most important psychologist in history - you know, like Freud, Skinner, somebody and Bandura.
2:44
(Laughter)
2:45
Bandura is 86 and he still works at Stanford. And he's just a lovely guy.
2:52
So I went to see him, because he's just worked on phobias for a long time, which I'm very interested in. He had developed this way, this, kind of, methodology, that ended up curing people in a very short amount of time, like, in four hours. He had a huge cure rate of people who had phobias. And we talked about snakes - I don't know why - we talked about snakes and fear of snakes as a phobia.
3:21
And it was really enjoyable, really interesting. He told me that he'd invite the test subject in, and he'd say, "You know, there's a snake in the next room and we're going to go in there." To which, he reported, most of them replied, "Hell no! I'm not going in there, certainly if there's a snake in there."
3:42
But Bandura has a step-by-step process that was super successful. So he'd take people to this two-way mirror looking into the room where the snake was. And he'd get them comfortable with that. Then through a series of steps, he'd move them and they'd be standing in the doorway with the door open, and they'd be looking in there. And he'd get them comfortable with that. And then many more steps later, baby steps, they'd be in the room, they'd have a leather glove like a welder's glove on, and they'd eventually touch the snake. And when they touched the snake, everything was fine. They were cured. In fact, everything was better than fine. These people who had lifelong fears of snakes were saying things like, "Look how beautiful that snake is." And they were holding it in their laps.
4:32
Bandura calls this process "guided mastery." I love that term: guided mastery. And something else happened. These people who went through the process and touched the snake ended up having less anxiety about other things in their lives. They tried harder, they persevered longer, and they were more resilient in the face of failure. They just gained a new confidence. And Bandura calls that confidence "self-efficacy," the sense that you can change the world and that you can attain what you set out to do.
5:12
Well, meeting Bandura was really cathartic for me, because I realized that this famous scientist had documented and scientifically validated something that we've seen happen for the last 30 years: that we could take people who had the fear that they weren't creative, and we could take them through a series of steps, kind of like a series of small successes, and they turn fear into familiarity. And they surprise themselves. That transformation is amazing.
5:42
We see it at the d. school all the time. People from all different kinds of disciplines, they think of themselves as only analytical. And they come in and they go through the process, our process, they build confidence and now they think of themselves differently. And they're totally emotionally excited about the fact that they walk around thinking of themselves as a creative person.
6:06
So I thought one of the things I'd do today is take you through and show you what this journey looks like. To me, that journey looks like Doug Dietz. Doug Dietz is a technical person. He designs large medical imaging equipment. He's worked for GE, and he's had a fantastic career. But at one point, he had a moment of crisis.
6:32
He was in the hospital looking at one of his MRI machines in use, when he saw a young family, and this little girl. And that little girl was crying and was terrified. And Doug was really disappointed to learn that nearly 80 percent of the pediatric patients in this hospital had to be sedated in order to deal with his MRI machine. And this was really disappointing to Doug, because before this time, he was proud of what he did. He was saving lives with this machine. But it really hurt him to see the fear that this machine caused in kids.
7:08
About that time, he was at the d. school at Stanford taking classes. He was learning about our process, about design thinking, about empathy, about iterative prototyping. And he would take this new knowledge and do something quite extraordinary. He would redesign the entire experience of being scanned. And this is what he came up with.
7:31
(Laughter)
7:32
He turned it into an adventure for the kids. He painted the walls and he painted the machine, and he got the operators retrained by people who know kids, like children's museum people. And now when the kid comes, it's an experience. And they talk to them about the noise and the movement of the ship. And when they come, they say, "OK, you're going to go into the pirate ship, but be very still, because we don't want the pirates to find you."
7:58
And the results were super dramatic: from something like 80 percent of the kids needing to be sedated, to something like 10 percent of the kids needing to be sedated. And the hospital and GE were happy, too, because you didn't have to call the anesthesiologist all the time, and they could put more kids through the machine in a day. So the quantitative results were great. But Doug's results that he cared about were much more qualitative. He was with one of the mothers waiting for her child to come out of the scan. And when the little girl came out of her scan, she ran up to her mother and said, "Mommy, can we come back tomorrow?"
8:33
(Laughter)
8:37
And so, I've heard Doug tell the story many times of his personal transformation and the breakthrough design that happened from it, but I've never really seen him tell the story of the little girl without a tear in his eye.
8:51
Doug's story takes place in a hospital. I know a thing or two about hospitals. A few years ago, I felt a lump on the side of my neck. It was my turn in the MRI machine. It was cancer, it was the bad kind. I was told I had a 40 percent chance of survival.
9:11
So while you're sitting around with the other patients, in your pajamas, and everybody's pale and thin -
9:18
(Laughter)
9:19
you know? - and you're waiting for your turn to get the gamma rays, you think of a lot of things. Mostly, you think about: Am I going to survive? And I thought a lot about: What was my daughter's life going to be like without me? But you think about other things. I thought a lot about: What was I put on Earth to do? What was my calling? What should I do? I was lucky because I had lots of options. We'd been working in health and wellness, and K-12, and the developing world. So there were lots of projects that I could work on. But then I decided and committed at this point, to the thing I most wanted to do, which was to help as many people as possible regain the creative confidence they lost along their way. And if I was going to survive, that's what I wanted to do. I survived, just so you know.
10:09
(Laughter)
10:11
(Applause)
10:17
I really believe that when people gain this confidence - and we see it all the time at the d. school and at IDEO - that they actually start working on the things that are really important in their lives. We see people quit what they're doing and go in new directions. We see them come up with more interesting - and just more - ideas, so they can choose from better ideas. And they just make better decisions.
10:45
I know at TED, you're supposed to have a change-the-world kind of thing, isn't that - everybody has a change-the-world thing? If there is one for me, this is it, to help this happen. So I hope you'll join me on my quest, you as, kind of, thought leaders. It would be really great if you didn't let people divide the world into the creatives and the non-creatives, like it's some God-given thing, and to have people realize that they're naturally creative, and that those natural people should let their ideas fly; that they should achieve what Bandura calls self-efficacy, that you can do what you set out to do, and that you can reach a place of creative confidence and touch the snake.
11:29
Thank you.
11:30
(Applause)



Attachment 2: How to Build Self-confidence

Self-confidence is an essential part of humanity. A person with self-confidence generally likes themselves, is willing to take risks to achieve their personal and professional goals, and thinks positively about the future. Someone who lack self-confidence, however, is less likely to feel that they can achieve their goals, and tends to have a negative perspective about themselves and what they hope to gain in life. The good news is that self-confidence is something you can improve! Building self-confidence requires you to cultivate a positive attitude about yourself and your social interactions, while also learning to deal with any negative emotions that arise and practicing greater self-care. You should learn to set goals and take risks, as well, since meeting challenges can further improve your self-confidence.

Part 1: Cultivating a Good Attitude

Step 1: Identify your negative thoughts.

Your negative thoughts might sound like this: "I can't do that," "I will surely fail", "no one wants to hear what I have to say." This inner voice is pessimistic and unhelpful and will hold you back from achieving high self-esteem and greater self-confidence.

Step 2: Turn your negative thoughts to positive thoughts.

As you pay attention to your negative thoughts, turn them around to positive thoughts. This may take the form of positive affirmations, such as "I am going to try it," "I can be successful if I work at it," or "people will listen to me." Start with just a few positive thoughts a day.

Step 3: Refuse to allow negative thoughts to occur more often than positive thoughts.

Eventually, your positive thoughts should be given more “brain space” than your negative thoughts. The more you counter your negative self-thinking with positivity, the more natural this will become.

Step 4: Maintain a positive support network.

Connect with those close to you, whether they are family or friends, to keep your perspective uplifted. Furthermore, stay away from people or things that make you feel bad.
○Someone you call a friend may actually make you feel bad, if they constantly make negative remarks, or criticize you.
○Even well-intended family members who weigh in with their opinions about what you “should” be doing can be destructive to your self-confidence.
○As you cultivate your own positive attitude and take steps to achieve your goals these naysayers may become more evident. As much as possible, limit your contact with them while you build your self-confidence.
○Take some time to think about which people in your life really make you feel great. Make a goal to spend more time with people who are supportive and uplifting.

Step 5: Eliminate reminders of your negativity.

Avoid spending time around things that can make you feel bad about yourself again. These might be reminders from the past, clothing that no longer fits, or places that don’t fit with your new goals of gaining confidence. Though you may not be able to get rid of every negative source in your life, you can certainly think about how to cut your losses. This will go a long way in building your self-confidence up.
○Take the time to sit down and think about all of the things that are bringing you down, from mean friends, a career you don't much care for, or a living situation that is almost unbearable.

Step 6: Identify your talents.

Everyone is good at something, so discover the things at which you excel, and then focus on your talents. Give yourself permission to take pride in them. Express yourself, whether it's through art, music, writing, or dance. Find something you enjoy and cultivate a talent to go with your interest.
○Adding a variety of interests or hobbies to your life will not only make you more confident, but it will increase your chances of meeting compatible friends as well.
○When you're following your passion, not only will it have a therapeutic effect, but you'll feel unique and accomplished, all of which can help build your self-confidence.

Step 7: Take pride in yourself.

Not only should you feel proud of your talents or your skills, but you should also think about the things that make your personality great. It can be your sense of humor, your sense of compassion, your listening skills, or your ability to cope under stress. You may not think that there's anything about your personality worth admiring, but if you dig deep, you'll realize that you have plenty of admirable qualities. Focus on them by writing them down.

Step 8: Accept compliments gracefully.

Many people with low self-esteem have difficulty taking compliments; they assume that the person complimenting them is either mistaken or lying. If you find yourself responding to a compliment by rolling your eyes, saying, "Yeah, right," or shrugging it off, you should reframe your response to compliments.
○Take it to heart and respond positively. (Saying “thank you” and smiling works well). Let the person giving the compliment know that you really appreciate it, and work to reach the point where you are able to truly accept the compliment at heart.
○You can add the compliment to your list of positive attributes about yourself and use it to bolster your self-confidence.

Step 9: Look in the mirror and smile.

Studies surrounding what's called the "facial feedback theory" suggest that the expressions on your face can actually encourage your brain to register or intensify certain emotions. So by looking in the mirror and smiling every day, you might feel happier with yourself and more confident in the long run. This will also help you feel happier about your appearance, and to accept the way you look.
○Other people will likely respond to you well when you smile at them, so in addition to making yourself feel happier, you may get a boost in confidence due to the feedback you get from other people as well.

Part 2: Dealing with Emotions

Step 1: Be comfortable with fear.

You may think that people who are self-confident are never fearful. This simply is not true. Fear means you are at your growing edge. Perhaps your fear is speaking in front of a group, introducing yourself to someone you don't know, or asking your boss for a raise.
○When you are able to confront what you fear, you will gain self-confidence and you will feel the boost immediately!
○Imagine a baby as she learns to walk. So much possibility awaits her. But she is fearful that she will fall as she takes those first steps. When she conquers her fear, and begins walking, a huge smile covers her face! This is you, pushing past your fears too.

Step 2: Be patient with yourself.

Sometimes you go backwards to go forwards. Gaining self-confidence does not happen overnight. You might try something new and not meet your goal. If possible, see what lessons are there. Not meeting your goal the first time around is an opportunity to learn more about yourself. Self-confidence needs to be nurtured and grown, a bit at a time.
○For example, perhaps you ask your boss for a raise, and she says no. What can you learn from this? Reflect upon how you went about it. Was there something different you might have done?

Step 3: Strive for balance.

Like everything else in life, building self-confidence is about maintaining balance. Too little self-confidence can keep you from achieving your goals and feeling good about yourself. On the other hand, it's important to be realistic - you don't want to underestimate the time and effort needed to achieve your goals.

Step 4: Stop comparing yourself to others.

If you want to build your self-confidence, then you have to focus on improving your own life for the better, not on making your life more like your best friend's, your older brother's, or like those of the celebrities you see on television. If you want to build up your confidence, then you need to know that there will always be someone who is prettier, smarter, and richer than you, just like there will always be someone who is less attractive, less intelligent, and less wealthy than you are; all of this is irrelevant, and what is relevant is caring about advancing your own goals and dreams.
○You may lack confidence because you're convinced that everyone else has it better than you do. However, at the end of the day, it only matters if you're happy by your own standards. If you have no idea what those are, then it's time to do some soul searching before you move forward.
○Additionally, studies have found that spending time on social media often encourages people to compare themselves with others. Because people tend to post only their triumphs and not their realities of daily life, it can seem as though the lives of others are more wonderful than your own. This is likely not true! Everyone has ups and downs in their lives.

Step 5: Recognize your insecurities.

What does that voice in the back of your mind say? What makes you uncomfortable or ashamed of yourself? This could be anything from acne, to regrets, friends at school, or a past traumatic or negative experience. Whatever is making you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior, identify it, give it a name, and write it down. You can then tear or burn these written pieces to start feeling positive on those points.
○This exercise isn't meant to bring you down. It's meant to make you aware of the problems you're dealing with, and empower you to move past them.

Step 6: Bounce back from your mistakes.

Remember that no one is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities. At some point in any of our lives, we may feel we lack something. That is reality. Learn that life is full of bumps down the road. And that often these insecure feelings come and go, depending on where we are, who we are with, the mood we're in, or how we are feeling. In other words, they are not constant. If you've made a mistake, the best thing you can do is to recognize it, apologize, and make a game plan for avoiding it in the future.
○Don't let one wrong turn make you think you don't have what it takes to achieve your dreams. Maybe you weren't a great boyfriend and your last relationship ended as a result. This doesn't mean you're not capable of turning your act around and finding love in the future.

Step 7: Avoid perfectionism.

Perfectionism paralyzes you and keeps you from accomplishing your goals. If you feel like everything has to be done perfectly, then you'll never be truly happy with yourself or your circumstances. Instead, work on learning to be proud of a job well done instead of wanting everything to be absolutely perfect. If you're in the mindset of a perfectionist, then you'll only be getting in the way of a more confident version of yourself.

Step 8: Practice gratitude.

Often at the root of insecurity and lack of confidence is a feeling of not having enough of something, whether it's emotional validation, material items, good luck, or money. By acknowledging and appreciating what you do have, you can combat the feeling of being incomplete and dissatisfied. Finding the inner peace that accompanies true gratitude will do wonders for your confidence. Take some time to sit and think about all of the things you have going for you, from your wonderful friends to your health.
○Sit down and make a gratitude list, writing down all of the things you are thankful for. Read it over and add to it at least once a week, and it will put you in a more positive, empowering frame of mind.

Part 3: Practicing Self-Care

Step 1: Take care of yourself.

There are many small steps to this one action. It involves maintaining your personal grooming by bathing regularly, brushing and flossing your teeth, and eating tasty and healthy food. It also means making time for yourself, even when you are very busy and when others monopolize much of your time.
○It may not seem this way, but when you take care of your basic needs, you are telling yourself you deserve the time and attention it takes to practice self care.
○When you begin to believe in yourself, you are on the way to increasing your self-confidence.

Step 2: Put care into your appearance.

You don't have to look like Brad Pitt to start building your self-confidence. If you want to feel better about who you are and how you look, then take care of yourself by showering daily, brushing your teeth, wearing clothes that fit you and your body type, and making sure that you've taken time with your appearance. This doesn't mean that superficial looks or style will make you feel more confident, but making an effort to mind your looks tells yourself that you're worth caring about.

Step 3: Exercise regularly.

Part of taking care of yourself is getting exercise. For you, this may mean a brisk walk outside. For someone else, it may mean a 50 mile bike ride. Start where you are now. Exercise does not have to be complicated.
○Many studies have shown that exercise is essential to a positive outlook on life, and a positive attitude contributes to self-confidence.

Step 4: Sleep well.

Getting 7-9 hours of sound sleep every night can help you look and feel better. It can help you have a more positive attitude and more energy. Plenty of sleep also helps you moderate your emotions and deal with stress more effectively.

Part 4: Setting Goals and Taking Risks

Step 1: Set small and achievable goals.

Often, people set unrealistic or unattainable goals, and either become overwhelmed with the challenge or never get started. This is a real damper for self-confidence.
○Gradually adjust your small goals to make the larger goal achievable.
?Imagine you wish to run a marathon, but are worried you would not be able to achieve this goal. Do not go out and try to run 26 miles on the first day of training. Begin where you are. If you are not a runner at all, set a goal to run just 1 mile. If you can run 5 miles relatively easily, then begin with 6.
○For example, if you have a messy desk, perhaps it is too overwhelming to think about cleaning the entire desk. Begin by just removing the books and placing them back on the bookshelf. Even stacking the papers neatly to be sorted through later is movement toward the goal of cleaning your desk.

Step 2: Embrace the unknown.

People who lack self-confidence worry that they'll never succeed in an unpredictable situation. Well, it's time to stop doubting yourself and to try something completely new, unknown, and different. Whether you're traveling to a new country with friends or letting your cousin set you up on a date, making a habit of embracing the unknown can help you become more comfortable in your own skin and to feel like you're in control of your destiny - or, rather, that you're okay with not being in control. If you find that you're able to succeed even in a situation you didn't anticipate, then your confidence will go through the roof.
○Spend more time with people who are adventurous and spontaneous. You'll soon find yourself doing something unexpected and feeling better about yourself because of it.

Step 3: Address your perceived areas for improvement.

There may be some things that you don't like about yourself that you simply cannot change, such as your height or the texture of your hair. However, there are likely many things that you view as weaknesses that you can address with a bit of dedication and hard work.
○Whether you want to work on being more social or being better in school, you can make a plan to succeed and begin to carry it out. While you may not end up being the most social kid in school or your class valedictorian, you can go a long way in building your self-confidence just by making a plan to start changing for the better.
○Don't be too hard on yourself. Don't try to change absolutely everything. Start with just one or two aspects of yourself that you would like to change, and take it from there.
○Keeping a journal where you chart your progress in achieving your goals can make a big difference. This will help you think about how well your plan is working, and it can help you feel pride in the steps you have taken.

Step 4: Seek to help others.

When you know you're kind to the people around you, and are making a positive difference in other people's lives (even if it's just being kinder to the person who serves you coffee in the morning), you'll know that you are a positive force in the world - which will boost your self-confidence. Find a way to make helping others a part of your weekly routine, whether you volunteer at your local library or you help your little sister learn to read. The act of helping will not only benefit others, but it will build your confidence because you'll see that you have a lot to offer.
○You don't have to help someone in your community to feel the benefits of helping others. Sometimes, someone close to you, such as your mother or your best friend, will need your help as much as anyone.

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Available at: http://www.wikihow.com/Build-Self-Confidence