How to Get Better at Picking Lovers
如何更好地选择恋人
词汇：四级 | 句法：四级 | 文本：四级
刘立军 供稿
Many people feel “unlucky” in love, thinking that failed relationships are just accidents. We might experience partners who leave us, treat us coldly, or cannot fully commit, and we assume it’s bad luck. However, after reflecting, we might notice a pattern: we are unconsciously choosing people who can’t give us the love we need.
很多人觉得自己在爱情中“运气不好”，认为失败的恋情只是偶然。我们可能遇到离开我们、对我们冷淡或者无法完全投入的伴侣，并认为这是运气不好。然而，经过反思，我们可能会发现一个模式：我们在无意识地选择那些无法给予我们所需爱情的人。
This pattern may come from our childhood experiences, especially if we grew up with a distant or unavailable parent. As children, we learn to adjust to these difficult situations, often without realizing it. Over time, we might continue this behavior by picking partners who also can’t provide emotional support, as we’re used to managing without it.
这种模式可能源自我们童年的经历，特别是在成长过程中父母较为疏远或缺席的情况。作为孩子，我们通常是在不知不觉中，学会适应这些困难的情况。随着时间的推移，我们可能会继续这种行为，选择那些也无法提供情感支持的伴侣，因为我们习惯了在没有支持的情况下应对生活。
To break this cycle, we need to ask ourselves tough questions after getting to know a potential partner. For example:
为了打破这个循环，我们需要在了解潜在伴侣后，问自己一些深刻的问题。例如：
Are they emotionally mature enough for a serious relationship?
他们在情感上是否足够成熟，能够处理一段认真的关系？
Can they support us emotionally, as we support them?
他们是否能像我们支持他们一样，给予我们情感支持？
Where will this relationship be in a few years?
这段关系在几年后会走向何方？
Do they have the wisdom and stability to build a lasting bond?
他们是否具备智慧和稳定性来建立一段持久的关系？
Other important considerations include whether the person can meet us as equals, or if they are too focused on their career or personal struggles to truly connect. It’s essential to evaluate whether their charm or success can translate into a mature, balanced relationship.
其他需要考虑的重要的因素还包括这个人是否能够与我们平等相待，或者他们是否因过于专注于事业或个人问题，而无法真正与我们建立联结。我们必须评估他们的魅力或成功是否能够转化为一种成熟、平衡的关系。
As we develop this ability to judge, we should pay close attention to warning signs of emotional unavailability or immaturity. This requires building what we might call a “can-this-person-love-me-maturely” skill. By doing this, we can avoid relationships that cause unnecessary pain and instead focus on finding genuine love.
随着我们培养这种判断能力，我们应该密切注意情感缺位或不成熟的警示信号。这需要我们建立一种我们可以称之为“这个人能否成熟地爱我”的判断能力。通过这样做，我们可以避免那些带来不必要痛苦的关系，转而专注于寻找真正的爱情。
In summary, picking the right partner involves more than just attraction or excitement. It requires careful reflection on whether the person can offer the emotional support needed for a healthy relationship. Developing this awareness can lead to more fulfilling and lasting relationships, breaking the cycle of unhealthy love choices.
总之，选择合适的伴侣不仅仅涉及吸引力或激情。这需要仔细反思对方是否能够提供维持健康关系所需的情感支持。培养这种意识可以带来更充实和持久的关系，并打破不健康的恋爱选择循环。
【词汇】
1. commit v. 投入，致力于
2. cycle n. 循环
3. charm n. 魅力，吸引力
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