Understanding Yourself: The Key Question

人生关键命题：了解自己是谁

词汇：中考| 句法：中考| 文本：高考

刘立军 供稿

There is a question that can help us understand who we are and what drives us: “What did I need to do as a child to get my parents’ support and approval?”

有一个问题可以帮助我们了解自己是谁，以及是什么在驱使着我们：“小时候，我需要做些什么才能得到父母的支持和认可？”

To focus on this question, we can think about related questions too:

为了深入探讨这个问题，我们还可以思考一些相关的问题：

To make my father happy, I needed to...
要让父亲开心，我需要……

To make my mother happy, I needed to...
要让母亲开心，我需要……

To avoid upsetting my mother, I needed to...
为了避免惹母亲生气，我需要……

To avoid upsetting my father, I needed to...
为了避免惹父亲生气，我需要……

No matter what people say, families don’t always love their children without conditions. There are always certain things we must do or be, and other things we should avoid.

无论人们怎么说，家庭对孩子的爱往往是带有条件的。我们总是必须做某些事情或者成为某种人，同时避免做其他事情。

When we think back, some things might be clear: we had to do well in school, be good at music, or not compete with our siblings. In other cases, the expectations were not so obvious. We might have felt that making money was important, or that being good-looking or athletic was what mattered most. Sometimes, the expectations were confusing: “Be a winner, but not too successful, or it might scare us.” Or “Don’t grow up too fast because adults are scary.” Or “Be very close to me so I can hurt you.”

当我们回顾过去时，有些事情可能会显得非常清晰：比如我们必须在学校表现优异、擅长音乐，或者不能与兄弟姐妹争抢资源。而在其他情况下，这些期望可能并不那么明显。我们可能觉得赚钱是重要的，或者外貌出众或运动能力强才是关键所在。有时，这些期望甚至会让人感到困惑，例如：“要成为赢家，但又不要太成功，否则可能会吓到我们。” 或者“不要成长得太快，因为成年人的世界很可怕。” 再或者“要和我保持非常亲密的关系，这样我才能伤害到你。”

Even though our countries can influence how we think and feel, we are mostly shaped by our families. Each family has its own rules, expectations, and ways of doing things. These can tell us what it means to be a real man or woman, how much we should value ourselves, what we need to do to be respected, and how much peace and happiness we deserve.

尽管我们的国家文化会影响我们的思维方式和情感，但我们更多地还是被家庭所塑造。每个家庭都有自己的规则、期望和行事方式。这些规则告诉我们，作为一个真正的男人或女人意味着什么，我们应该如何评价自己，我们需要做什么才能赢得尊重，以及我们值得多少平静与幸福的时光。

It’s important to think about these family rules because they might still be affecting us, even if they don’t make sense anymore. Years after we left our family’s influence, we might still be careful not to be too successful, for fear of upsetting our parents. Or we might always be trying to please people in authority, to avoid their anger, just like we did with our parents. We might still expect to be hurt, as we did when we were young and cared for by someone who was not very kind.

思考这些家庭规则非常重要，因为即使它们已经不再合理，但可能仍然在影响着我们。即使离开了家庭的影响多年，我们可能依然小心翼翼，不敢过于成功，唯恐惹父母不悦。或者我们总是试图取悦权威人士，以避免他们的愤怒，就像我们曾经对待父母那样。我们可能依然预期会被伤害，就像小时候被那些不够善良的监护者所伤害一样。

If we want to keep exploring, we can ask ourselves two more questions:

如果我们想继续深入探索，可以再问自己如下两个问题：

How much am I still doing what I had to do back then?
我现在还在多大程度上遵循着过去的那些规则？

How do I feel about the rules I grew up with?
我对自己成长过程中接触到的那些规则有何感受？

We might find that we are still following old rules that don’t match what we really want in life. We might still act in ways that we used to, even though our family’s influence is long gone. We might need to think about where we come from and, if necessary, make a change before it’s too late.

我们可能会发现，自己仍在遵循一些早已过时且与当下生活目标不符的旧规则。我们可能仍然按照过去的方式行事，即使家庭的影响早已消散。我们或许需要重新审视自己的根源，并在为时不晚之时做出必要的改变。

【词汇】

1. approval n. 赞成；同意

2. sibling n. 兄；弟；姐；妹

3. deserve v. 值得；应得；应受

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