How to get rid of the anxiety caused by comparisons?

如何摆脱植根于比较的焦虑心理？

When we are kids, we are constantly being compared to others. Our parents may compare us to our siblings. Our teachers probably compared us to other students. Kids compared us to other kids.

小时候，我们经常被人拿来和别人比较。我们的父母可能会把我们和兄弟姐妹们相比，老师可能会把我们和其他学生相比，小孩儿会把我们和其他小孩儿相比。

Those comparisons created either a sense of humiliation or a sense of pride. Either way, it has become second-nature. Everything we’d done has been followed by looking around and seeking validation.

这些比较产生了一种羞辱感或者自豪感。不论如何，拿自己和他人作比较已经成了自然而然的事情。我们每做完一件事，就会四下观察，从别人身上寻找一种确认感。

❶ Acknowledge there are people out there who are better, smarter, prettier, richer, nicer, etc. more than you.

要承认世界上就是有人比你更厉害、更聪明、更漂亮、更富有、更友好等等。

❷ Acknowledge how you feel when you compare, or someone else compares you to someone else.

对于自己比较或者被人拿去和别人比较时的情绪，要承认并接纳它们的存在。

❸ Do not try to be more like the smartest student, be the smartest version of you.

不要费力不讨好地去追赶那个最聪明的学生，要去成为最聪明的那个你。

❹ Increase self-esteem. Usually, when I feel good about myself, I tend not to be as affected by someone else’s success.

树立自信。通常来说，如果我对自己感到满意，我就不会那么容易受到其他人成功的影响。

Comparing yourself to others is not necessarily a bad thing.

把自己与他人做比较并非一定是坏事。

When you catch yourself comparing yourself to others, get curious about the feeling that is being triggered. Is it jealousy? Is it obsession? Is it admiration? Is it love? Is it inspiration? Your triggered feelings will give you a clue as to what is going on within you.

当你发觉自己在和别人作比较，那你就得知道当下你的情绪是什么样的。是嫉妒吗？是迷恋？是倾慕？是爱？还是启发？了解自己被激发出来的情绪有助于你发掘自己脑子里的真正想法。

Most likely, you are jealous because you wish you had what it takes to achieve what the other has achieved or to have what they have. Get curious and figure out why you still don’t have it and what would it take to get there.

大概率你会产生嫉妒感，因为你希望拥有那些能帮助你取得类似他人成就的资源，或者是直接拥有这些成就。动动脑子想想看，为什么你还没能取得这些成就？要怎样做才能获得它们？

It is never a good idea to make yourself wrong for comparing yourself to others or to make yourself wrong for not getting where you wish to be.

永远不要觉得把自己跟别人作比较是一件坏事，也不要因为自己没能达到预期的成就而懊恼。

But if all this comparison mounts to is bitter jealousy, then your problem is bigger than a simple comparison. Always bear in mind that your only competition is the one in the mirror and—believe me—it is the toughest competition of all.

不过，如果这种比较激发的是仇愤的嫉妒感，那你的问题可能比一个单纯的比较大得多。要记住，你永远是在跟“镜中人”比较——相信我，这才是最难的竞争。