Plenty of new research underscores the reality that women are still shouldering, and expected to shoulder, much of the work associated with the home.

By Maya Salam

“Marriage still ain’t equal, y’all. It ain’t equal. I tell women that whole ‘you can have it all’ — mmm, nope. Not at the same time. That’s a lie. It’s not always enough to lean in, because that doesn’t work.” 

— Michelle Obama

When Mrs. Obama spoke these words this week at a Brooklyn stop of her “Becoming” book tour, the crowd (and in turn, the internet) went wild. But it wasn’t just her challenge to Sheryl Sandberg’s “lean in” that struck me — nor was it her rare, unfiltered language, though I liked that too — it was her comment about “having it all.”

As a girl, the prospect of balancing a thriving career, a happy marriage and a couple of well-adjusted kids — all while maintaining my friendships and hobbies — was sold to me as an ultra-glam aspiration that left me daydreaming of a well-oiled life with me at the controls.

Though I’ve checked enough of these boxes, I realize with every passing year of my 30s that if I have children, something — well, a lot of things — will have to give. (As Shonda Rhimes once put it: “Whenever you see me somewhere succeeding in one area of my life, that almost certainly means I am failing in another area of my life.”)

There’s an abundance of research to underscore that reality, including a report this year from the United Nations that found that women are shouldering nearly three times more of the work associated with the home than men — child care, elder care, cooking, cleaning, transportation — and usually for zero pay.

This, despite the fact that more people than ever view men and women as equal in the workplace and in the home (it seems perception and the real world don’t always match up).

It has long been suspected that these dynamics amount to added stress for women, and indeed, in 2016, The Journal of Brain & Behavior found that women are twice as likely to suffer from severe stress and anxiety as men. The American Psychological Association found that women consistently report higher stress levels.

As for time off, the U.S. Department of Labor found that American men spend more time than women exercising, playing games and enjoying other hobbies.

So why aren’t men pitching in more where they’re needed, since the women in their lives are easing their financial burden?

Source: NYTimes