Adapting to the Possibilities of Life

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I believe in mystery.I believe in family.I believe in being who I am.I believe in the power of failure.And I believe normal life is extraordinary.This I believe.

Our "This I believe" essay today was sent to us by Dr.Donald Rosenstein.He's the clinical director of the National Institute of Mental Health in Washington D.C.His expertise is psychiatric care of the mentally ill.Here's a series * independent producer Jay Ellison.

Donald Rosenstein told us after hearing our series on the air,he had been thinking about what he might write and then he woke up at the middle of the night and the essay just pulled out of them.His believe he found resize the intersaction of this professional and personal life.Here's Dr.Donald Rosenstein with his essay for "This I believe".

I believe in adaptation,that is,the same stimulus does not invariably elicit the same response over time.The first time I saw my son flapped his arms,I nearly threw up.My son Kobe with two at the time and he and my wife and I were at an evening * in Hawaii.Dancers are emerged from the dark,tooling torches to loud * beats.I thought was exciting and so did Kobe.He began to flap his arms, slowly at first,and then was in intensity that mirrored the move of the dancers.In an instant,I was overwhelmed,I knew just enough about arm flapping to know that it was characteristic of *.I was confused,panic and strangely preoccupied with the feel that I would never play tennis with my son as I had with my father.That one movement took on a immediate,powerful and symbolic meaning,something with terribly wrong with my boy.

Kobe is 16 years old now,he lost his language,developed ... and has struggle profoundly.We've all struggled,including Kobe's little sister Emma.But we've also adapted.Kobe still flaps his arms and he's got the thick,musular upper body one would expect after 14 years of isometric exercise.He's a sweet and beautiful boy and together we've been on a journey into frightening and unknown territory.Like any follow travellors we've learned from each other and grown.Kobe's arm flapping means sth different to me now.It means that he's interested,tuned in and present at the moment.

That kobe has * is old news at this point.We've grieved,survived and adapted.We've learned to be more patient to celebrate more modest victories and to connect with Kobe whenever and however we can.Now when Kobe flaps,I'm happy for him and what it means about his engagement not second by what it might mean for his and our futures.Same stimulus,different response.

I believe this lesson in adaptation has been one of Kobe's greatest skill to me,to our whole family.I've seen it as * embarrassment over her brother's condition has * and been replaced with compassion for those who struggle.And I've seen influence of Kobe's lession in my own work,helping patients cope with illness tragedy in their lives,like my patient who can finally celebrate her father's memory after years of * grief that came with every anniversary of his death.Last summer,Kobe had a....in the ocean alongside Emma.Kobe flapped his arms widely and anticipation of each coming wave.Not quite the family beach day we had once *,but a spectacular moment nonetheless.Old heartbreak,new appreciation.

I believe that reframing a problem can help to overcome it.But adaptation is not the same as becoming tolerant of or new to sth.Adaptation allows for creative possibilities.Kobe has adapted to us and we to him and through this process our family has discovered deep and meaningful connections with each other.Connections we never thought possible.

Dr. Donald Rosenstein with his essay for "This I believe".Rosenstein said that before he adapted to his son's illness,he wouldn't always know how to respond when his very sicked patients will tell him "I just don't know what to do".Now his answer is "You do the best you can!"

We hope you've visited and been our .orgs at this I believe and considers admitting your own essay to our series.For this I believe,I'm Jay Ellison.

Jay Ellison is co-editor with D.G.,John.G.and V.M. of the book "This I believe".The personal philosophies of remarkable man and woman.

Support for "This I believe" comes from prudential retirement.
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