如何勇敢地去爱
The Art of Loving Without Fear
刘立军 供稿
TRANSCRIPT
We regularly get into difficulties in love because we refuse to accept how much reassurance and stroking we need from the person we love. We imagine we’re grown-up; we don’t want to countenance how fragile and easily wounded we might be; we don’t want to see the always susceptible and sensitive child beneath the impressive adult. And so, in the face of so-called “small things” that have undeniably hurt us (a missing warm comment here, a lack of touch there), we go numb instead, we silently and swiftly pull up the drawbridge, we unconsciously prepare to recriminate, we tell ourselves that we have a lot of work to do and should spend more time by ourselves. The last thing we can acknowledge is that we might be sad, confused and secretly furious.
It would help a lot if we could recognize with grace ― that, when it comes to relationships, we are all without a skin. We feel everything ― whether we chose to register the fact or not. We’re alive to every nuance in our partner’s behavior toward us; we notice and are pained by every piece of distance, every moment of incomprehension and every minor slight.
It is obviously profoundly tempting to deny such exposure. Who wants to be constantly reminded that they have, in effect, forfeited their independence to the moods and inclinations of a wholly autonomous fellow human? How much more comforting to subsist under the illusion that we might be immune to minor slights and that our spirits remain substantially in our own hands.
And yet, it would be fairer and a good deal cleaner to accept that once we have are in love, we have no option but to feel everything that goes on between ourselves and a partner. We have to know on a daily, even hourly, basis, that we continue to matter to them. It is no use pretending to be made of rock ― of attempting to be recklessly, and eventually angrily and coldly, brave. We need to put in place measures to preserve love in the face of our ongoing vulnerability. We need regularly to check in with one another and ask: Have I hurt you? And then as regularly say: I do still love you.
It’s no sign of being infantile to approach love with immense, almost implausible sensitivity. It is a sign that we’ve at last accepted what a grown-up is and needs.
VOCABULARY
1. fragile adj. delicate, easily broken or damaged 脆弱的，易碎的
2. reassurance n. comforting or encouraging words or actions intended to relieve anxiety or restore confidence 安慰，鼓励
3. susceptible adj. likely to be influenced or affected by something, sensitive to 易受影响的，易感受的
4. furious adj. extremely angry or full of rage 愤怒的，狂怒的
5. numb adj. deprived of feeling or responsiveness; unable to feel or express emotions 麻木的，失去知觉的
6. drawbridge n. 吊桥，开合桥
7. recriminate v. to return an accusation against someone or engage in mutual accusations 反诉，反唇相讥
8. nuance n. a subtle difference or distinction in meaning, expression, or sound 细微差别，细微差异
9. tempting adj. appealing or attractive, arousing a desire to have or do something 诱人的，有引力的
10. forfeit v. give up or lose as a penalty for wrongdoing or neglect 放弃，丧失
11. autonomous adj. acting independently or having the freedom to do so; self-governing 自主的，自治的
12. infantile adj. typical of a small child (and therefore not suitable for adults or older children) 婴幼儿特有的；孩子气的
13. implausible adj. not seeming reasonable or likely to be true 似乎不合情理的；不像真实的
QUESTIONS
Listen to the news and choose the best answer to each question you hear.
1. According to the passage, why do people often encounter difficulties in love?
A. Because they don’t have enough time for each other.
B. Because they refuse to accept their need for reassurance and affection.
C. Because they are not mature enough.
D. Because they can’t effectively communicate with their partner.
2. What does the author believe about recognizing our vulnerability in relationships?
A. It would make us more independent.
B. It would be a sign of immaturity.
C. It would help a lot in maintaining relationships.
D. It would cause more conflicts.
3. How should one deal with the “small things” that hurt them in a relationship, according to the text?
A. They should immediately end the relationship.
B. They should ignore these small things.
C. They should talk about it with their partner.
D. They should work more and spend more time alone.
4. How does the author describe people in relationships?
A. As vulnerable beings without a skin.
B. As independent individuals.
C. As sophisticated adults.
D. As cold and brave entities.
5. What is the last thing people can acknowledge when they are hurt by “small things” in a relationship according to the text?
A. That they have become numb.
B. That they are sad, confused and secretly furious.
C. That they need more time alone.
D. That they have a lot of work to do.
KEY
1. According to the passage, why do people often encounter difficulties in love?
A. Because they don’t have enough time for each other.
B. Because they refuse to accept their need for reassurance and affection.
C. Because they are not mature enough.
D. Because they can’t effectively communicate with their partner.
【答案】B
【解析】细节题。题目的命题出处在文章的第一段：We regularly get into difficulties in love because we refuse to accept how much reassurance and stroking we need from the person we love.从这句话可以推断出答案为B。
2. What does the author believe about recognizing our vulnerability in relationships?
A. It would make us more independent.
B. It would be a sign of immaturity.
C. It would help a lot in maintaining relationships.
D. It would cause more conflicts.
【答案】C
【解析】推理题。题目的命题出处在文章中的倒数第二段：We need to put in place measures to preserve love in the face of our ongoing vulnerability. 作者提到我们需要接受自己在爱情中的脆弱性，并通过对感情的维护来应对这种脆弱性，因此答案选C。
3. How should one deal with the “small things” that hurt them in a relationship, according to the text?
A. They should immediately end the relationship.
B. They should ignore these small things.
C. They should talk about it with their partner.
D. They should work more and spend more time alone.
【答案】C
【解析】细节题。根据文章最后一段，We need regularly to check in with one another and ask: Have I hurt you? And then as regularly say: I do still love you.，可以得出我们应该与伴侣讨论那些微小但却又对我们造成伤害的事情，由此可知答案选C。
4. How does the author describe people in relationships?
A. As vulnerable beings without a skin.
B. As independent individuals.
C. As sophisticated adults.
D. As cold and brave entities.
【答案】A
【解析】细节题。文章第二段明确提到：when it comes to relationships, we are all without a skin，所以答案选择A。
5. What is the last thing people can acknowledge when they are hurt by ‘small things’ in a relationship according to the text?
A. That they have become numb.
B. That they are sad, confused and secretly furious.
C. That they need more time alone.
D. That they have a lot of work to do.
【答案】B
【解析】细节题。文章第一段中有这样一句话：The last thing we can acknowledge is that we might be sad, confused and secretly furious.，所以答案选择B。
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